


I'll be your strength

by GokkiVanGogh



Category: The Wanted (Band)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Physical Abuse, Romance, Sexual Content, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-11-26 21:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/654646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GokkiVanGogh/pseuds/GokkiVanGogh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassandra’s life hasn’t been easy, and she struggles to keep herself afloat. After becoming a fan of The Wanted and meeting Patricia, her best friend, things are going better. Her friend Lyle wants more than friendship, and as she’s attracted to him she’s been responsive to his flirting. An opportunity to see The Wanted live in London turns things a bit upside down, and she’s leaving Lyle in a rather pissed state. In London she and Tish are having the time of their lives at the concert. And later at the hotel, who does she run into other than one of the members from the band? Sparks are flying and things are getting heated, but her past is catching up and making it difficult for her yet again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

The door didn’t have time to close behind me before my friend threw herself at me, yelling something about concert and tickets and that it would be definitely awesome. A tiny rush of emotions flew through me as I untangled myself from her arms and tried to sort out her words.

“Omg! I can’t believe it! I just! Seriously! I never thought I’d get those tickets but I was sitting there, ready with the card in my hand and I’ve never been that fast on my laptop ever and I just bought them! I didn’t dare take the time to ask you, but I knew you would kill me if I hadn’t bought them, and…” She stopped to inhale and I giggled.

“Calm down! Whose concert are we talking about?” I tugged my arm around her shoulder and she wrapped her around my waist as we started walking down the street.

“The Wanted of course!! Who the hell did you think I was talking about?!” I abrupt to a halt and stared at her while the excitement rushed through me as a heat wave.

“You got tickets for The Wanted??!” She nodded with the biggest grin and the air left my lungs before I started to jump up and down, only able to make squeaking noises. 

“You got tickets? To The Wanted? For both of us?! WHEN?!” We were both jumping up and down now and squeaked together. 

“In two weeks! In London!” I choked on my squeals as I felt disappointment hit me like a stone and paralyzing me.

“London? How on earth do you think I’ll get to London with only two weeks to plan? I work every single day!” Tish stopped jumping and I saw how her smile faded when she remembered my crazy work schedule. For a long while we were both standing, staring at each other with sad faces and I felt really torn between being happy she’d get to see them, and heavily disappointed that I wouldn’t. I tried to hold back my tears when I saw Tish’s face change from sad to determined. 

“We’re going to this concert, one way or another! Just give me some time to think about how to arrange it, but there’s no other option.” I managed a sad smile and hugged her hard.

“You’re my best friend, and I love you, but I don’t think we’ll actually manage to get this sorted out as we want it to.” Her arms tightened around me and she shook her head in disapproval to my negativity.

“No, you’re not going to let this opportunity slip away! We’ll sort something out, just wait!” She released me and dragged me along down the street again. I couldn’t help but feel like it was hopeless though. Considering I had to work every day, except Sunday’s. I’d never get time off for a concert. It was better to just realise it straight away than to clasp around a tiny straw of hope. It would only end in total depression. I was so lost in my depressive thoughts that I didn’t notice that Tish stopped before I bumped right into her and almost knocked her to the ground,

“Why are we stopping?” She rolled her eyes at me over her shoulder before flipping her hair back, and I finally saw the reason. Steve and Lyle were standing right in front of us with big smiles on their faces. Lyle’s warm eyes fixed at me, and I felt a tiny rush of excitement as he approached me and pulled me in for a hug. He let go of me, but kept his arm around my waist while studying my face. I felt a bit uncomfortable by his intense stare and couldn’t help but blush. I hated that about myself, how easily my face turned red over the tiniest things. He frowned and his arm tensed a bit.

“Are you ok? You look a bit, out of it.” I raised an eyebrow at him and his frown got deeper.

“Have you got any bad news or something?” Oh, was I wearing my disappointment that open? I just shook my head and looked down on my shoes, but he wouldn’t let me slip off that easily as he lifted my chin with his finger until we had eye contact. It was his turn to raise an eyebrow and his brown eyes were sharply fixed at me. I swallowed and felt a hint of fear rush through me. No way he’d understand this. I couldn’t remember seeing him freak out about anything, except some sports, but that was most outbursts of disapproval or pleased ‘YES’ if the right one won. Never anything close, to how I fangirled over everything from old tea cups to kittens to The Wanted. Nope. No chance he’d understand this.

“Yeah, kind of, but nothing you need to worry about.” I tried to smile it away, but again he wouldn’t let me.

“No, tell me. I want to know.” I shrugged and shook my head but he kept pleading me until I gave up.

“Fine! You asked. There’s this concert I Tish got tickets for, but I can’t make it because of work. And I really, really want to go! It’s The Wanted for Christ’s sake, and I can’t go!” My voice raised for each frustrated word leaving my mouth and I didn’t realise I was waving my arms around before he grabbed my hands and sent me an indulgent look while lowering my arms down.

“Cas, it’s just a concert. You’ll get the opportunity another time. Don’t let a tiny thing like that take the beautiful smile away from your face.” His words wounded me more than it should have. Because I considered him a dear friend I thought he’d at least comfort me a bit. Especially considering that he’d been showing interest in more than friendship the last weeks. I tried to ignore it, but it was impossible stopping the expression of wounded feelings on my face. I tried really hard, but his frown told me that clearly, I’d failed. He shook his head and tried to pull me in for a hug, but I couldn’t handle his approach right after those words. Tiny? Had he really no clue at all how much that band meant to me? After all this time, he was still ignorant over how they’d changed my life. I threw a look at Tish, and she sent Lyle quite a dark stare and untangled herself from Steve’s arms. 

“Seriously, Lyle, tiny? I can’t right now. Cas, let’s go put the kettle on and drown our sorrows in a cup of tea.” I sent her a thankful smile when she wrapped an arm around my waist and we started strolling towards her house. Steve and Lyle following right behind us.

“What sorrows are we drowning?” She tilted her head towards the men behind us.

“Over the fact that men can be real idiots, sometimes.” Steve snorted and Lyle mumbled something sounding like: I didn’t do anything, what’s the big deal. Tish’s arm tightened and I was happy for her support. She knew exactly how much The Wanted had changed my life and how much they meant to me. And when she decided that the guys had to be on their own instead of hanging with us as they’d planned, I could’ve kissed her. She was my saviour, as always. Knew exactly what I needed, and right now that was the two of us having girl time. When we were well seated with our cups of tea, she leaned back and met my eyes.

“Now, let’s find out how we can get you time off from work, because you’re going to that concert. I don’t care if I have to kidnap you or sneak you out of the country, you’re going.”


	2. Part 2

I couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“You’re passport, miss.” I handed the guy my passport and he examined it and then stamped it. I got my luggage on its way and walked over to Tish. Together we headed towards the security and when we got out on the other end, I felt the excitement flowing through me. I was on my way to London. I was going to see my favourite band live! Pure joy filled me and I couldn’t help but throwing myself at Tish and squeal.

“Omg, it’s happening! It’s actually happening!” She laughed and we were only bright smiles when we heard the boarding call for our flight. We were still smiling when we found our seats, and we quick found our mp3 players so we could practice on the lyrics. Every song had to be memorized, of course they already were, but just to make sure we knew them all by heart. The flight weren’t that long, it only felt like a couple of minutes, and we landed at Heathrow right before 13pm. As soon as we got our luggage we headed straight to the hotel, which were only a few minutes from the arena the concert were going to be. It took quite some time to get the keys for our rooms because the lobby was full of shouting media with cameras and a bad attitude, but finally we could take the lift till the 5th floor where our rooms were located. We had rooms vice versa in the hallway, and smiled at each other before opening the doors. The room was simple, but really nice and comfy and I placed my trunk on the bed so I could find the clothes I was going to wear on the concert. I’d just pulled out my black skirt when my cell rang. It was Lyle. For a moment I didn’t want to talk to him, but I accepted the call anyway and placed the phone to my ear.

“Hi, Lyle.” I managed to sound normal, luckily.

“Hey, Cas! I was thinking we could hang out tonight, since you couldn’t go to that concert for Wanted.” He sounded like he was in a good mood, but all I could feel was irritation over the fact that he actually didn’t pay attention to my interests. Even if he didn’t find it interesting, he could at least care when it meant so much to me.

“THE Wanted, Lyle. And didn’t I tell you? I was sure I did, but anyway. I managed to get a week off from work. A colleague owed me a favour, so I’m in London right now.” I enjoyed the silence way more than I should, but he recovered soon.

“How come you didn’t tell me? Anyway, when are you coming home?” By the thumping sound I could hear in the background, I figured he was tapping his fingers towards something. A sure sign he was irritated. Yes, I should’ve told him I was going, but I was actually still hurt by his indifference over how much this meant to me. And I’d probably not be able to forgive him quite yet. 

“I guess it slipped my mind while I was getting ready for this trip. I’m staying for a week actually, so I’ll be back next Sunday.” I couldn’t help but to smile over this unexpected holiday. It would be the best thing that had ever happened to me, seeing The Wanted and having a week in London where I could just do whatever I wanted to.

“Next Sunday?! Why on earth so long? When’s the concert?” 

“Tonight, but I wanted some more time to explore when I’m here. I don’t get to do things like this too often, and I really want to enjoy this. Therefore so long.” With those words I walked over to the window and drew in my breath. The view was stunning. I could see The Tower Bridge! I loved that bridge! I’d wanted to see it in real life for so many years, and finally I got the chance. 

“What is it?” His annoyed voice pulled me out of my fascination. 

“I just saw Tower Bridge from my window! I had no idea it’s so big!”

“Ok? It’s just a bridge, Cas. No big deal.” No big deal? Irritation rushed through me and I was so finished with this conversation. I’d sort this shit out when I got back to Norway. 

“You know what, Lyle. I’m obviously boring you with my fascination, so we should just end this now. I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Ok, no reason to get grumpy. It is only a bridge…” 

“Bye Lyle, see you in Norway.” I hung up before he got the chance to say anything, and to my surprise I felt my eyes fill with tears. I tried to take a few deep breaths to get myself together and wiped away the drops rolling down my cheeks. A knock on my door made me turn and I saw Tish closing the door. The look in her eyes told me she’d heard some of the conversation, and she wrapped me up in a hug. Her embrace made me feel a lot better.

“Thanks, Tish.” She stepped back with a concerned expression.

“You ok? Does he still not get it?” I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself. Tish let out a resigned sigh.

“Just, drop him. I know he’s interested, but clearly not for the right reasons. And I won’t stand by while he’s making you feel worse than you already do. Now, we have a concert to prepare for, and afterwards I think we shall do a bar crawl or something.” I laughed. She never failed to cheer me up, which was one of the reasons I considered her my best friend.

“Ok, I’m in! But I need a shower before we take off in preparations here.” Tish shoved me towards the bath and went to the door.

“Same here, see you afterwards!” I threw her a blow kiss and she caught it in her hand, pretending to be star struck. I laughed when she left the room and closed the door behind her.


	3. Part 3

I could swear our feet barely touched the ground as we walked towards the arena. I’d put on black tights under my black Goth inspired skirt, and I did of course wear my black ‘The Wanted’ t-shirt under the ‘I ♥ Jay McGuiness’ hoodie. My dark hair was loosely set in a top with a hair band. Tish wore her blue ‘I ♥ Max George’ hoodie and skin tight jeans. Her reddish hair danced around her face while we strolled down the street, and the excitement filled every cell of my body. All I wanted to do was run as fast as I could to the arena and plough my way to the very first row. I could of course not do that, but I wanted to.

“I can swear, if you didn’t have ears your smile would go all the way around.” I smiled brighter and laughed. Tish giggled.

“I don’t doubt it would. Not that your smile is any smaller than mine, though.” She laughed gleefully.

“True. It would look quite intimidating, us two strolling down the street. And smiling without any end, literally.” Hysterical giggling forced its way out, and we were still in quite a weird mood when we reached the arena. It was huge! The doors were open, and we could enter, and what seemed big from the outside looked enormous on the inside. We actually managed to get to the very front and had a very good view to the whole stage. This was definitely going to be awesome! 

“OMG! That was the best thing, ever! They’re so amazing live!”

“OMG! I knooow! And so funny and passionate and, omg I can’t!” We were shouting and jumping and hugging each other. It was only emotions and no sense. Somehow we managed to find back to our hotel and our rooms, and used some time to get back down on earth. As much as possible anyway. When we were able to speak somehow normal again I felt so tired that we dropped the bar crawl. We were staying for the whole week anyway. Instead we spent some time at Tish’s room, chatting about TW and everything else we could fit in. At some point, Tish fell asleep, so I tucked the covers over her before I silently left the room. Just as the door smacked closed behind me I realised I’d left my door key in there. Damn! What should I do now? I considered banging on the door, but that would probably wake up the entire hall. Next idea coming to my mind was breaking in to my room, but I couldn’t afford to pay for repair. Looked like I had to get down in the lobby and ask for help there. I had almost reached the elevator when my phone vibrated in bra. Who the hell were calling me at this hour? I didn’t care to look at the display and put it to my ear.

“Hi, Cas.” I stiffened a bit when I heard Lyles voice. I didn’t feel ready for this conversation at all, and definitely not now.

“Hi.” Still being pissed at him, it was no way I’d make this easy. He cleared his throat.

“I didn’t like how our conversation ended, and I don’t want this to get between us.” Not sure how to respond to this, I just kept silent.

“I mean it.” All I could do was let out a heavy sigh.

“Don’t tell me you’re still grumpy?” Ok, that was it. I was finished with this, whatever it was, but we definitely didn’t fit very well together in other ways than friends.

“You know what? Let’s just, end this thing we’re trying to do, ‘cause it’s obviously not working very well.”

“What do you mean?” I closed my eyes, trying to find patience.

“You and me, are not working well.” 

“Of course we do! We look good together, and we’re attracted to each other.” My jaw literally dropped. Was that all that mattered to him? 

“Is that all?” I clenched my fist, waiting for his response.

“What else is there? Love? Seriously, you don’t want that, do you?” I can almost swear I hissed. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm down the anger boiling inside me. If I’d only knew that was all he saw in us before I’d get in to the flirt. I would’ve saved myself for all the times his comments had hurt me, and unnecessary time spent on hiding my true nature. It was just then I realised I actually had done that. Hid my natural reactions to almost everything. Well, I was finished with that.

“You know what, that’s exactly what I want, but not from you. You’re obviously not cut out for it, at least not with me. Forget me, and find someone else.” I didn’t expect the disappointment, but I did after all care for him. Maybe I even had a crush, but it had definitely faded the last couple of weeks. But it still hurt that he only saw me as attractive and thought we looked good together. Who the hell wanted to hear that?

“Hey, you don’t mean that. You don’t need love.” His word made me ice cold. Slowly, not capturing a single word of what he said anymore, I ended the conversation and swallowed hard. Blindly I searched for something to hold on to, and when I felt the wall beneath my fingers I leant my back against it. I tried to get control of my breath, but my body was flooded with years of emotions I’d locked deep inside me, fighting its way to the surface. My legs failed me and I slid down to the floor. Memories from the past, flashing through my head. I had no idea it could still hold this power over me. I wrapped my arms around my knees and leant my head on them, hiding myself from the world and let the tears roam free. Somehow I managed to cry silently. I don’t know for how long I sat there, but it felt like hours. When the sound that informed that the elevator stopped in this floor, I was still too lost in my own world that I didn’t notice there was someone there before a hand touched me gently on my shoulder. I breathed in, deep, trying to gather myself before I dared to react to the low male voice asking if I were ok.

“Hey, do you hear me?” I nodded and let out all the air from my lungs and swallowed a couple of times before I raised my head to look at the friendly stranger. He was squat right in front of me, and first I could only see his t-shirt. I lifted my head further and met a couple of concerned well known blue eyes. I winked a few times to make sure I’d not gone mental, and then all I could do was stare. I was staring right at Jay McGuiness.


	4. Part 4

“Are you ok?” I swallowed hard, taking his features in proper eyesight. The sight of him was a godsend to me right now. He tilted his head a little, still waiting for my reply. I opened my mouth to answer, but no sound came out. 

“Do you need some water for your throat, perhaps?” Grateful for the fact he understood, I nodded and tried with a smile. It must have looked horrible, but he just stood up and reached out his hand to me, helping me up. He noticed my hoodie of course, and nothing prepared me for what happened next. Suddenly his arms were wrapped around me and my face pressed to his shoulder. My hands automatically found their way around his waist and I clung myself to him. He just held around me, and it was the most comforting hug I’d ever experienced. He didn’t say anything, and I let out a heavy sigh loaded with emotions. After a while he loosened his grip, looked down at me and then used his thumb to remove some tears. 

“You want that water now?” I dried the rest of my tears and nodded again. With his arm around my waist, he led me down the hallway to the very end, and into his room. He placed me on a sofa and filled a glass of water which he handed me. I tried on a smile again, but failed massively, so I just emptied the glass and left it on the table. I cleared my throat, and finally I manage to make some words.

“Thank you.” He sat down next to me, still with a concerned look on his face. 

“Are everything ok?” I looked down at my hands for a bit before answering. There was no point in lying.

“No, not really, but it’s complicated.” He took my hand in his and I looked into his eyes.

“Aren’t most things complicated? You can tell me, if you want to.” His words really warmed my heart. I considered it for a while, and decided to take a really short version. 

“I just, ended a relationship that wasn’t a real relationship yet, and it was just something he said that reminded me of something really unpleasant from my past, and he didn’t really see me as something more than attractive. Which actually hurts when you think he’s serious about a relationship, and now I’m talking over myself. This must sound really stupid to you.” He just tilted his head and his thumb was gently caressing the palm of my hand.

“Not stupid, somewhat confusing, but I got the important part. He didn’t really respect you, did he?” My eyes widened in surprise. Of course, why didn’t I see that? Lyle’s treatment of me made sense when I saw it that way. 

“Apparently not, I didn’t even realise that until now. I’m so stupid.” He squeezed my hand gently.

“That doesn’t make you stupid, just a bit ignorant of him being an ass.” I felt a smile tugging at my mouth, and Jay smiled in approval. He let go of my hand and I immediately missed his warm, comforting grip. He fetched me another glass of water and got a beer for himself. That made me manage a proper smile. His love for beer was adorable.

“Oi, she smiles! You have to do more of that.” He settled next to me again, and made himself comfortable, facing towards me.

“So, you probably want to talk about something else?” I nodded. “Great, then, so you’re a fan?” 

“Yes, and I was at tonight’s concert.” All the negative emotions slowly got replaced with some of the excitement from before, mixed with awe that I was in fact chatting with my biggest idol, in his hotel room. He sipped from the beer, and I watched his throat in fascination.

“And did you enjoy it?” A bright smile spread across my mouth and I straightened up.

“Yes! You were absolutely amazing and I can assure you I had the absolute best time ever!” 

“Thank you, that is very kind.” His humble smile sent heat waves through me. He was even more attractive in real life, and that shouldn’t be possible.

“It is only the truth, Jay.” He put down the bottle and leaned towards me.

“We haven’t properly introduced ourselves yet.” He gave me his hand and I took it. “I’m Jay McGuiness.” I smiled as we shook hands.

“And I’m Cassandra Hansen. You can call me Cas.” 

“Lovely to meet you, Cas.” Oh my god, the way my name rolled off his tongue in that British accent almost had me melting. I felt my face getting warm and tried my best to ignore it.

“Lovely to meet you too, Jay.” He smiled wide and picked up the bottle again. It was way too sexy, the way he placed the bottle to his lips and slowly tilted the bottle so the liquid flowed into his mouth, and the way his throat moved while swallowing. My mouth went dry and I had to lick my lips. When he lowered the bottle and placed it on the table, I noticed that he looked a bit tired, and felt bad for keeping him up when he probably wanted to sleep. I swallowed in an attempt to calm down my heated body, and met his eyes again. He studied me with a curious expression and a little smile at the corner of his mouth, so I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d noticed me staring at him. 

“I should probably head back to my room, you’re obviously tired after the concert and need to sleep.”

“You’re probably just as tired as I am, though. Emotionally at least.”

“Yeah, maybe. Hopefully a good night’s sleep will have me recovered.” I got up from the sofa, and so did he. 

“I’ll follow you to your door.” My body was filled with grateful emotions towards him, such a gentleman. 

“That’s not necessary, but I wouldn’t mind.” His smile widened.

“No objections, I like that.” I let out a little laugh as I turned and walked to the door. His steps followed right behind me. It wasn’t before I was standing outside my door I recalled that my key was in Tish’s room. Resigned I leant my forehead against the door and moaned in frustration.

“What?”

“My key is in my friend’s room, and she sleeps like the dead.” I could hear that he giggled and had to smile. 

“This is not your night, is it?”

“Ha, you don’t say!” I turned to face him and shrugged. 

“I’ll just have to go down in the lobby and beg for help, but thank you so much for everything.” I could see that he was thinking, and his expression when he’d decided was absolutely charming. 

“Why don’t you just crash in my room until tomorrow, and get them to help you then? Or your friend wakes from the dead and can just hand you your key.” Did my ears have a breakdown, or was he inviting me to sleep in his room?

“I, I…what?” He raised his eyebrows, confirming that I’d heard right. “It’s really no big deal for me to go down to the lobby.”

“Well, but my room’s closer, and you can be sound asleep in about, ten minutes.” His eyes were quite intense when he studied my face. “And you won’t have to be alone with those memories of yours.” How did he know I was anxious of being alone with them? Did I wear my feelings that clearly? I blinked a few times, focusing on his eyes. He was definitely serious, so when he extended his hand to me, I placed mine in it and let him lead me back to his room. He insisted that we could share the bed, and I crawled under the covers still fully dressed. Except the hoodie. He did the same, and when his arms suddenly wrapped around me and pulled me against him, I squeaked in surprise. I could feel his warm breath over my ear before he whispered to me.

“I’ll make those memories stay away so you can sleep. Good night, Cas.” I closed my eyes and let my body relax. His strong arm around my waist and under my head made me feel completely safe and sound, a feeling I’d rarely experienced in my 22 years. It didn’t take long before my eyelids were heavy and I felt the sleep slowly overtaking my body. 

“Good night, Jay, and thank you so much.”


	5. Part 5

I woke slowly from the best sleep I’d had in ages. Couldn’t remember last time I’d felt so safe and relaxed after a sleep, and a satisfied smile crossed my lips. I let out a pleased sigh and started to stretch, and first then I became aware of the warm body against my back and the arm around my waist. It took my brain a few seconds to remember what had happened last night, and I turned slowly to just confirm that it was indeed Jay McGuiness. I didn’t open my eyes before I felt his warm breath caress my cheek. His face was just inches from mine, and I swallowed hard while I looked to his eyes. They were closed, and it seemed he was still asleep. I used this time to really study his face. The shape of his nose was absolutely charming, and I loved his peaceful expression. There were curls everywhere. Spread on the pillow, covering his forehead, and some probably tickling in his eyes. I couldn’t resist the need to gently stroke them out of the way, and they felt so soft and silky beneath my fingers I had to swallow again. I didn’t intend to do it, but I let my finger trace the outline of his cheek and over the stubbles on his chin. His breathing shifted and I quickly retrieved my hand and watched him as he slowly woke up. He frowned a little before his face relaxed again, and his eyelids fluttered a bit before he let out a heavy sigh. The warm breath stroked over my cheek, and he tightened his grip around my waist, pulling me closer. Finally he opened his eyes and looked at me. I could almost see his brain working its way back to last night, and his drowsy smile made my heart skip a beat.

“Good morning, Cas.” Oh dear, his hoarse morning voice sent shivers down my spine and the blood rushing through my veins. I cleared my throat; hopefully I’d sound somewhat normal.

“Good morning, Jay” His smile widened and oh my god he was the most sexy thing I’d ever seen. 

“Did you sleep well?” Now it was my turn to smile. I couldn’t stop it if I’d wanted to, and it was a big smile. 

“Yes! Like the dead.” He laughed, and if it hadn’t been for the fact I was already lying I’d probably gone straight down on my knees. He placed a finger in front of my lips and I blinked in surprise. Then he placed his hand right over my hip, spreading his fingers.

“You’re still breathing, a sure sign you’re alive.” His hand moving a bit higher, now resting on my waist. I caught my breath, not sure what he was doing or what to expect. Suddenly I was on my back and he hovered over me. Both his hands on my waist now. And then he started to tickle me. I screamed in surprise and laughed while I tried to get away from his merciless attack. 

“No! Please! Stop it!” I rolled around on the bed and almost managed to reach the edge but he pulled me back without any effort at all.

“Haha, oh no, you’re not getting away from this one.” My stomach and jaws hurt, I laughed so hard. Finally I managed to get in a counter attack on his stomach, but he dodged and rolled me over on my stomach, locking my arms under me. I had no chance at all, and all I could do was laugh and twitch until he decided it was enough. Luckily he stopped before I laughed myself to death, and rolled me over on my back again. His big grin made me forgive him for this unfair attack, and I grinned back, though I was still trying to calm down my breathing. He watched me for a bit before he tilted his head slightly to the side. 

“Tell me what your plans are today.” My eyes widened in surprise, but I told him about me and Tish’s plan to go sightseeing. 

“Then what do you say about having me as your guide?” My mouth fell open and I stared at him while excitement was building inside me. If he was serious, that would mean I’d get to spend a day with him, and a chance to show him something else than my tragic side. I sat up and kept staring at him.

“Are you serious?” He just smiled and laughed a little.

“Yes, I’m serious.” I threw myself around his neck and knocked him over on the bed. With my arms wrapped around him and my cheek pressed to his I grinned widely. His laugh rolling down my spine and his hands gentle patting my back.

“Yes! I’d love that!” I realised I were practically lying on him, and I felt my cheeks getting hot as I removed myself from him. 

“Sorry for that, I just got a little excited.” He was still smiling, but his eyes pretty intense in the way he looked at me.

“Don’t be. I’m not.” And with that he got up from the bed and I did the same. 

“I should probably see if Tish is awake, and get changed before breakfast…” My phone interrupted me with playing Jay singing ‘High and Low’ in his chipmunk voice. I bit my lip as I looked at him, and luckily he cracked up laughing as I accepted the call from Tish.

“Hi, Tish.” 

“Oh my god, you’re alive!” She sounded both relieved and annoyed. “When I found your room key and you didn’t answer any of my texts or calls, or when I knocked at your door. I was so worried!” 

“I’m so sorry! I’m fine, and I’m not in my room, that’s why you haven’t got any response.” She fell completely silent.

“Then where are you? You didn’t sleep in the hallway or the lobby or anything, did you?” I snorted.

“Ha, of course not. I met a friendly lad who sheltered me.” Complete silence again.

“Don’t tell me you had to shag him to stay there.” I almost choked on the air I breathed and laughed out loud. Oh, I’d gladly shag him all night long.

“Of course not, what do you take me for? He’s been very sweet, and offered to guide us today too.” 

“Cas, I’m not so sure it’s a good idea, he could be a serial killer for all you know.” I tried not to laugh, but Jay as serial killer gave me some hilarious pictures. 

“Trust me, you’ll be quite enthralled by having him as a guide. Just wait and see.” Tish sighed in disapproval, but gave in and after agreeing to meet in the dining room, we hung up. I turned and smiled at Jay. Noticing he’d changed while I was on the phone. I swallowed. That meant he’d been undressing with me in the room. It shouldn’t make my heartbeat race like it did. I realised I was staring at him and shook my head a bit, trying to sort my thoughts out.

“We’ll meet Tish downstairs. I’ll just head over to my room to get changed.” I picked up my hoodie and went to the door, not realising he was right behind me before I turned to say bye and he almost walked right into me. We both laughed.

“I’ll follow you.” He said with a grin, and I didn’t even bother to argue. I found my key under the carpet in the hallway, where Tish had promised to leave it, and went straight for the bathroom. When I heard the door close I threw a look over my shoulder and spotted Jay leaning against it with his hands in his pocket. I picked with me the clothes I’d change into and double checked that the door was locked. Not that I thought he’d walk in on me, but it was more the temptation do drop my clothes in front of him. Better lock myself up. I was really looking forward to Tish’s reaction when she realised who exactly I’d been sharing room with tonight. It would definitely be priceless.


	6. Part 6

“So, Cas, show me your saviour from tonight.” She was standing at the very entrance of the dining room, arms crossed and fingers tapping. I just grinned widely and watched her face carefully as we closed in. First she tilted her head, frowned, then suspicion followed by disbelief and finally shock when she realised it actually was Jay McGuiness walking next to me. She had obviously lost her ability to speak, because all she did was stare at him. Then she turned to me.

“You’re saying it was he that picked you up in the hallway last night?” I nodded and sent Jay a bright smile. 

“So, you know who this is, Tish. Jay, my best friend, Patricia.” He extended his hand and she took it, still in a state of disbelief.

“Nice to meet you, Patricia, Tish?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Tish, for you gorgeous.” He let out a cheerful laugh and winked at me. My heartbeat went off like crazy and I caught my breath. 

“I like your friend, she’s funny.” 

“Yeah, that’s basically the only reason we’re friends.” Tish rolled her eyes and grinned at me.

“Careful, I’m still trying to figure out why I’m friends with you.” I threw one arm around her waist and hugged her.

“You just love me.” 

“Yeah, still wondering why, though.” We found a table and some food, and it was definitely the funniest meal I’d ever had. Jay was hilarious, and it was so easy to talk with him. I had always had a weak spot for Jay, and had a crush on him for quite some time, but meeting him and get to know him in real life, made me face plant in front of his sexy legs. God, I really hoped he wouldn’t find out about that. It would probably seem very pathetic to him, but I was definitely falling fast and hard. After breakfast, Jay retrieved a beanie to hide his curls, and I made sure Tish and I didn’t wear any kind of band merchandise that could make us stand out in any way. Jay showed us around, and I don’t think I’d laughed as much on sightseeing before. He made funny impressions and faces, told us what he knew in a funny voice, and he really made it a memorable day. But the best part was when we were taking photos in front of different attractions, he took one of me and Tish, then made a random stranger walking by take one of all three. After all the walking and sightseeing, we all got pretty hungry, so Jay took us to a little cafe were we sat down and got a tasty lunch.

“Now tell me, where are you from? It’s clearly not London, and your accents suggest outside the UK.” Tish grinned wide as she took a bite from her sandwich.

“Norway, actually. We flew over for your concert and decided to throw in a week for some sightseeing while we were here.” Jay sent me an uneasy look, which confused me a bit, and shoved some crumbs around on his plate with his finger.

“So when are you going back, exactly?” Tish had her mouth full, chewing like a maniac.

“Saturday night. Our plan is to see as much physically possible, or enjoy ourselves to death.” I grinned, though it was a hint of sadness over it. Because I’d just realised I might never see him again after this day. Jay sent me that uneasy look again. I took a big bite of my own sandwich, trying not to think about it, and watched Jay while he stared at his plate for a moment. Suddenly he brightened up a bit, looking first at Tish, then at me. A hopeful expression in his face.

“Would you two like to meet the rest of the band?” It felt like I swallowed the sandwich whole and I started coughing. Tish squealed and jumped in her chair.

“Yes! We would love that!” Jay leant closer to me, his face worried as I was still coughing. My throat burned and my eyes watered, but it was almost worth it just to feel Jay putting his hand my back and stroked it.

“Are you ok?” I nodded as I could not utter a single word quite yet. Finally it calmed down a bit, and I managed to get down some of the water Jay had placed in front of me. My voice was low and hoarse. 

“Thank you. I’m fine.” Jay continued to stroke my back, and I felt no need to make him stop as it sent quite some wonderful sensations through me. Tish raised an eyebrow as she noticed he were still holding his hand on my back, but didn’t say anything.

“Are you serious about this? Are you sure they’d be ok with it?” Jay’s grin sent a tiny heat wave through me. 

“Of course I am!” Then he picked up his phone, dialled a number and placed it to his ear. 

“Hi, Seev! Are you free tomorrow? You are? Great. If the others are too I was thinking of meeting somewhere. There is someone who would like to meet you. Of course you can bring Nareesha! Ok, give me ten minutes, and I’ll text you.” He hung up, found another number, and soon he’d talked them all into meeting us the next day. I stared at him in awe for a while.

“Why? Why are you doing this?” Those gorgeous blue eyes locked with mine. 

“Because I want to and because I can. But mostly because I want to see that wonderful smile again.” I caught my breath. His stare was intense, and his words made me feel special. I swallowed and licked my suddenly dry lips. His eyes followed the movement and I drew my lower lip between my teeth. He looked into my eyes again, before sending me a drowsy smile that made my heart falter in my chest. My cheeks filled with heat, and I looked down at my plate.

“Thank you so much, Jay. You’re really a life saviour, you know that?” A gentle laugh escaped him.

“Far from it, but thank you for thinking that.” We finished, paid for us and then left the cafe to finish off our sightseeing. He showed us some nice shops on our way back the hotel, and by the time we reached it, it was time for dinner. We invited him to join us, and after that he left us outside Tish’s room. After giving both of us a hug and wished us goodnight. He got my number too, so he could reach us with details for when and where we were going to meet tomorrow. Right before he left us, he leant down and whispered to me:

“You know where my room is if you forget your key.” Then he winked and strolled down the hallway.


	7. Part 7

*brrrr* *brrrrrrrr* I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and threw a look at it before putting it to my ear. Unknown number.

“Hello, Cas speaking.” My morning voice was absolutely horrible.

“Good morning, Cas. You sound awfully awake. Slept well?” Jay’s voice sent shivers down my spine and I cleared my throat.

“Good morning. Yeah, you woke me, so very awake. And I guess I did.” I’d imagined his arms around me, and remembered how safe I’d felt. And after that I must’ve fallen asleep, ‘cause I couldn’t remember anything before his call, not that I was going to tell him that, though.

“You guess you did, well, get out of bed sweetheart, and make yourself ready for today. It’s going to be wicked!” I moaned by the thought of getting up, but smiled when the excitement to meet the rest of the band rushed through me. 

“You’re in an awfully good mood this early. I guess you rise with the birds.” His joyful laugh filled my ear and I grinned widely. That was a sound I could get used to hear all day. 

“You would think so, yes, but if you check the time, it’s almost ten, so not that early.” I could imagine his wink when saying that and suddenly I felt very energetic and eager. Eager to see him again and spend time with him. 

“Give me fifteen minutes, and I’ll be ready. I just have to check that Tish’s awake too.” 

“Great, I’m at your door in fifteen, then.” 

“Great!” We hung up and I called Tish, which were already done in the shower, and told her to be ready in fifteen. Then I practically ran out of bed and into the shower, using as little time possible on everything, and when he knocked on the door, I was ready to go. I could see by his expression that he was impressed that I’d actually made it.

“You don’t hover in front of the mirror, do you?” I got out of the room and locked the door.

“No, why would I do that? I don’t find it very useful when I can spend more time looking at other attractive people. After all, I see my face every day, so I do actually know how I look.” It couldn’t be good, the way I reacted on his laugh. I would probably spend the rest of the day in a sexually frustrated state, due to him laughing all the time. A short knock on Tish’s door were all I managed before she hauled the door open and used her hip to bump me out of her way.

“Move, I can’t lock the damn thing when you’re blocking it.” I giggled and took a step back, right into Jay. His hands landed on my shoulders, his chuckle rolling down my spine like hot chocolate.

“Hey, I’m not a ghost you can walk through, you know.” I giggled and was going to step aside, but his hands on my shoulders prevented me.

“You can’t blame me from trying. You don’t know until you’ve tested it.” I turned my head and winked, and his look went from amused to intense. I couldn’t get myself to look away. Those blue eyes were really captivating, especially when they darkened like that. The sound of Tish clearing her throat made us both blink and look at her. She raised an eyebrow and gesticulated towards the elevator. Jay removed his hands from my shoulders and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as we started to walk down the hall. We didn’t take long devouring our breakfast, and soon we were on our way. Jay refused to tell where we were going, so Tish and I spent the time looking at the surroundings flashing past the taxi. When it finally stopped in front of a massive building, Jay refused to let us share the bill, and we both obedient got out of the car and waited for him. He soon joined us, and we followed him into the building. I couldn’t help staring at his bum when we walked, and my mouth went dry from the way the muscles moved beneath the fabric and tightened when he lifted his legs in the stairs. Never had someone had this effect on me, never. I was actually rarely attracted to anyone, and never in this longing and absorbing manner. Everything he did caught my attention, and I could listen to him all day. His breath made me happy. What the hell was wrong with me? Tish bumped her elbow in me.

“You’re staring at his ass like you’re planning to eat it.” I let out a choked laugh and ordered my eyes to look at Tish. Her smile made me blush.

“It’s quite obvious that you’re head over heels, you know.” Knowing she was right, I didn’t even bother to contradict her, but I threw a look at Jay to make sure he didn’t hear it. Looking back at Tish, I just shrugged. 

“Not much I can do about it though.” Tish raised an eyebrow and a sly smile tugged at her lips.

“Of course there is. You forget your key, knock on his door, and the moment he let you in, pin him to the bed and rape him all night. He’ll love it.” I squeaked and felt my face turn boiling hot by the pictures that flew through my head.

“Tish! I can’t do that! Seriously! I wouldn’t even know what to do.” She blinked.

“Ok, this is more serious than I thought when your only excuse is that you don’t know what to do.” She grinned again. I hushed at her, feeling that this conversation was too loud and too close the object of it. If he heard any of this I’d probably perish in embarrassment. 

“Not time and place, Tish. Just, oh wipe away that smile! And don’t you even dare to comment anything right now. It wouldn’t be straight even if you tried.” She laughed and Jay turned to look at us, grinning.

“Having fun, are we?” Tish grinned back and wriggled her eyebrows.

“Oh yes.” I just shook my head in resignation and grinned at him. He chuckled and turned his head forward again. We were now walking down a hallway, and at the very end he knocked three times at the door. Soon the door got opened, and we followed him inside. It was a huge, neutral room, and after a look around I realised it was a studio. He’d brought us to the studio. There was instruments and paper lying around, and the table were over flooded with old pizza cartons and other take-away wrappings. I had to smile, since nothing about it made me surprised. Then I noticed another table at the end of the room, and seated around it was the rest of the band, including Nareesha and Kelsey. This certainly promised to be quite a day.


	8. Part 8

I turned to look at who had opened the door, and smiled when I saw Big Kev. Max spotted me first and rose from his chair, causing the others to stop talking and look at us. As Max started to walk towards us, the others rose too and I was actually shaking. I could truly not believe that this was happening! Getting to meet my biggest idols, and in such a relaxed setting that I could get to properly chat with them. Max smiled widely to me and Tish, wrapped me in a proper hug and kissed me on the cheek. I was a bit taller than him, so it made me chuckle. Then I was wrapped in a new pair of arms, Siva this time, and he also kissed my cheek. The next arms I got wrapped in were Tom’s and another kiss on my cheek were left before I got Nathans arms around me, and he kissed my cheek too. It was the best hugs I’d ever had, and my cheek had never been kissed so much. I grinned happily, the feeling I was left with, really hard to describe. Suddenly another pair of strong arms wrapped around me from behind and I got pulled against a tall hard body. His curls tickled my ear and the scruff on his cheek rubbed against my skin when he kissed mine.

“It’s only fair and square that I get to participate in this massive hugging session, don’t you think?” I felt my cheeks turning red, and I noticed he held me a little too close to call it just a friendly hug. He didn’t let go of me either, so when Kelsey and Nareesha said hi, I could only extend my hand to them. They were both really sweet girls and I liked them immediately. Jay’s nose stroke over my temple and his lips brushed my ear. Heat spread through me and I shivered, closed my eyes and swallowed hard. The anticipation rushing through me like boiling water. There were nothing friendly by that gesture, and I dared a look on Tish, Kelsey and Nareesha. It didn’t seem like they’d seen it, but by the looks they sent each other, it was obvious they’d noticed the way he held around me. 

“I guess it’s fair, yes.” My voice, to my surprise, somehow sounded normal. He rubbed his cheek against mine before he placed another kiss there and slowly released me from his embrace. The cold crawling up my back, replacing the delicious warmth from his body, but I still felt really heated and just wanted to wrap myself in his embrace again. Longing to have those warm, soft lips on mine instead of my cheek I filled my lungs with air, and let it slowly out. Trying to calm myself a bit I threw a look over my shoulder at him, and his intense look did nothing to help my mission to slow down my heart. Then his eyes moved to look at Siva. Nathan grabbed my hand and dragged me over to the table and the rest followed after us. We settled down, Nath to my left and Max to my right, and before I knew we were all chatting about everything and nothing, and asking each other questions. The lads were both wonderful and hilarious, and it was easy to get along with Nareesha and Kelsey. We managed to eat between the talking, hours felt like minutes, and when I bothered to check the time, I realised we’d been going for five hours! Jay sat next to Tish and he bent down, whispering something to her, and she nodded with a big grin on her face. Then he rose and walked up behind me, bent down so I felt his stubbles tickle my ear before his warm breath stroke over my cheek.

“Would you like to come with me?” Excitement rushed through me as I asked no questions, just rose from my chair and accepted his extended hand. He assured me I’d see the lads again, so I didn’t need to think of saying any finals goodbyes yet. Then we just silently disappeared out of the room and soon we were on our way in a taxi.

“Where are we going?” His hand gently took mine, his thumb caressing my palm, and I looked to his eyes.

“The hotel. I want to talk with you, only you.” Heat flew through my body and I knew I were blushing. Luckily it was dark in the backseat, so he most likely couldn’t see it. I blushed way too easily really, and that made me blush. A never ending circle of blushing, so when it was too dark to see, I really appreciated it. Oh dear, now my mind was babbling away on its own. I couldn’t come up with anything to say, so I just kept silent and focused on the wonderful sensations spreading from where his fingers caressed me. When we reached the hotel, Jay reassured his beanie covered his curls before we left the taxi and we were soon in the elevator on our way up to our floor. Jay put his arm around my waist and pulled me close, leaning his chin towards my temple so his stubbles tickled me and made me grin. I put my arms around his waist, and enjoyed the warmth from his body. A lady shared the elevator with us from the second floor, and she kept looking over at us with a little smile on her face. I guess she found us cute or something. At our floor Jay steered me down the hallway past my room and straight to his, and when we were inside he let go of me as he headed to the bathroom.

“Soon back, just grab yourself something to drink from the minibar if you’re thirsty.” 

“Ok, thanks.” I found a bottle of water and sipped to it as I disposed my jacket in the closet. The room was quite hot, and I had to get rid of my cardigan too. Now left in my black skirt and tights, and a black singlet with laces, I sat down on his bed and looked at the gorgeous evening view over London. I hadn’t heard him coming out of the bathroom, but felt the mattress give in when he crawled over it behind me. 

“Did you see the way the lady watched us in the elevator?” His voice right next to my ear and I felt his breath caress my cheek.

“Yes, she probably thought we were a couple.” Jay’s hand stroked my shoulder as he moved my hair over to the other side, and I shivered slightly as tiny jolts of hot beams shot through me.

“Would you like to give that idea a chance?” I swallowed and turned my head. He looked dead serious, not even a hint of his usual teasing expression. My mouth suddenly dry and my heart pumping its way out of my chest, I couldn’t get out a single word. Just keep looking at him. Slowly, his fingers travelled from my shoulder, along my neck and under my chin. His thumb gently caressing my lip. I drew in my breath and saw how his eyes watched mine. His blue eyes suddenly darkened, and he leant closer. Only inches from my face his warm breath stroke over my lips, and I was hypnotized by his eyes. His voice a hoarse whisper.

“Would you?”


	9. Part 9

I swallowed, closed my eyes and breathed in deep before meeting his eyes again. My mouth felt like the Sahara desert, so I licked my lips, and since Jay’s thumb were still caressing them it was inevitable that my tongue brushed over it. My eyes went wide and so did Jay’s. He licked his own lips, still waiting for me to answer him. 

“I…I would love it, Jay, but I’m leaving in five days.” His finger pressing on my lips prevented me from saying anything further.

“I know, but let’s just let whatever happening with us now, just flow and grow. We will never know if we don’t give this a chance, and when the day comes, we’ll know if what we have is good.” I let his words sink in. Oh, how I wanted to say yes, but this was so much more complicated than that. I had so much crap from my past I still dragged around with me, and to let something like this happen… I was terrified. 

“Jay…” I closed my eyes. “…I don’t think we should…” He pressed his finger over my lips again, and I opened my eyes. His eyes were intense and serious.

“Don’t… don’t say it. Please give us a chance?” He moved closer and my heart was jumping of joy over the fact he wanted me, and wanted to date me. The warm breath stroking over my lips made mine tingling in anticipation. I blinked, couldn’t concentrate on anything but the need to press my lips to his.

“This is not going to end well.” He tilted his head slightly to the side, and I watched his curls bounce over his forehead.

“But, ok, let’s give this a chance.” His hand cupped my cheek and I closed my eyes when his lips touched mine. It felt like he set me on fire with those soft lips. The gentle press sent jolts of pleasure through me, and he tilted his head slightly so he got better access. When his tongue caressed my lower lip I instinctively opened my mouth and got intruded by his tongue. Slowly exploring my mouth and massaging my tongue, he placed his free hand on my shoulder, his finger caressing my skin. I dropped the water bottle on the floor to push my fingers through his curls and when his tongue retreated I pushed my tongue into his mouth, copying what he’d done to me. Oh dear, this was wonderful! The heat rushed through me with every heartbeat. We broke off the kiss and Jay leant his forehead against mine.

“Wow, we’re definitely doing more of this.” His sexy voice rippled down my spine and I giggled. I leant away from him and cupped his cheeks. His stubbles tickled my palms.

“I’m up for that.” I dropped my hands and rose from the bed. He crawled out of the bed and rose beside me, putting his hands on my hips and pulled me close. I placed my hands on his chest and met his lips when he bent down. I wrapped my arms behind his neck and he placed one hand on the small of my back and the other around my waist, pressing me against him. This kiss was more passionate than the first, and I was amazed that I didn’t melt from the heath spreading through my body. When we both broke off to get some air, he suddenly stiffened a bit.

“Oh my god, how old are you?” I couldn’t help but throw my head back and laugh. His cheeky grin made him even more adorable and sexy.

“22, so everything is legal.” I said with a wink. His smile made my knees week.

“Thank god. Everything you say, is that an insinuation? Or an invitation?” Still smiling, I just shook my head and stared into his eyes.

“You know, your eyes are gorgeous. I could stare at them for hours.” He grinned and those charming smiling lines I loved appeared with his eyes. 

“Thank you, sweetheart, but I prefer yours.” Then he kissed me again before placing his hands on my hips and easily put me down on the bed. He lay down next to me before he leant over me and kissed me again. He slid his hand over my stomach and his fingers tugged at the cotton fabric of my singlet. Since he didn’t manage what he wanted, he moved his hand further down till he found the hem, right over my throbbing vulva and I almost choked on the air I breathed. His hand lingered there for a moment before tugging the fabric upwards, and when his fingers spread directly on my skin I let out a deep sigh. I let one of my hands slide around his neck and entangled them in his silky curls. I put the other on his chest, moved it down his stomach and felt his muscles flex beneath my fingers. His low moan vibrated through me and encouraged me to continue. Suddenly things got way more heated and he sat astride my hips, leaning over me with his hands intertwined in mine. My heart raced wildly as he nuzzled his nose against my neck and then kissed me. I breathed heavily and enjoyed the sensations his stubbles caused. It was a mixture of uncomfortable and very arousing. He lifted my hands over my head and suddenly I got struck by fear. Panic made me is cold and my whole body suddenly trembled. I blinked, but everything was just a blur and then it went black for a few seconds.

“Oi, Cassandra! What’s wrong?” I could barely hear his voice, but my subconscious clung to the sound and fought me back. His arms were around me, and he’d pulled me over him. Slowly, the panic let go of me, and I managed to calm down. When I breathed somehow normally and my body relaxed again, Jay lifted my chin with a finger and I looked straight into his concerned eyes.

“What the hell did just happen?”


	10. Part 10

The panic got replaced by disappointment and a tint of resignation. I had really believed it would be different with someone like Jay, but my past would obviously not leave me alone. I closed my eyes, tried to wipe away the images.

“Cas, Don’t shut me out. Tell me what just happened. It scared me.” No way that I was going to tell about all the shit I had in my closet. I’d already thought too much about it in the last 10 minutes. I tried to remove myself from his arms, but he tightened his grip and buried his nose in my hair.

“No, I need an explanation. I don’t mean to push you, but I can’t let you shut me out like that.” His arms were comforting and made me feel safe, but I didn’t say anything for a long time.

“What did you mean when you said it scared you?”

“I have never seen someone in that kind of panic before, and the fear in your face scared the hell out of me. Was it something I did?” I clenched my fist around the fabric of his shirt. I owed him some kind of explanation. Another few minutes with silence followed before I managed to work up the courage to say the words.

“When you locked my hands over my head, that triggered my reaction, but it has nothing to do with you.” I fell silent a while before I could speak again.

“I’m not sure how to put this, but…I…I am not a virgin, but it didn’t happen in a way that I got to choose it… no, that sounds wrong. It didn’t happen with my consent.” Jay’s grip tightened and his body stiffened. I could feel that he breathed in deep.

“How long ago is it?” His voice was merely a whisper. My eyes closed as the memories flew through my head and I swallowed hard.

“Several years.” Was all I managed to tell him right now. I couldn’t bear to think of the horrifying details. Jay pulled me closer and gently rubbed his cheek against mine.

“So you’ve never been made love to the way it’s supposed to be?” His voice was a serious whisper, and I was amazed that he could actually make me blush so easily when I’d just remembered some of the worst parts of my life. How I appreciated that ability. I just shook my head a little as my reply and he pressed a kiss right under my ear, causing tingling warmth spreading from his lips and slowly filling my whole body. 

“I’ll have to do something about that.” His words made me hotter and I breathed faster. Jay’s hand slid down my stomach and found the end of my singlet, tugging it upwards. He pushed his leg between mine and slid it upwards so his thigh rested against my throbbing sex. Then he spread his fingers over my stomach, no fabric between, and slowly moved it upwards till he reached my bra. 

“You can stop me anytime you want. Just say stop or no, and I’ll back away. Does that sound ok to you?” I nodded and he gently moved his fingers right under my bra, back and forth. “Good. Will you allow me to remove your bra?” I sucked in my breath when his finger found its way under the strap that held the cups together. 

“I…I…” He curled it slowly, leaving a burning trace after it.

“Oh! Ye…yes.” I felt him breathing in deep before he slid the other hand underneath my singlet and up my back till’ he reached the clasp. It felt like I was burning up when he opened it and I felt the garment loosen. 

“You’ll have to help me a little now.” He put his hands on my hips and rolled over on his back, dragging me over him. Then he told me to sit up, and the new position made my thigh stroke against his hard bulge. I felt his muscles flex in response, and then I got distracted by his hands sliding up my sides under my singlet.

“Now, I know you girls are experts at removing your bras without taking off anything else. Show me.” Since I couldn’t see his face, it was easier for me to follow his request and I had soon removed my bra. When Jay’s hands moved further up so his thumb brushed along the sides of my breasts I dropped the bra on the floor, letting out a soft moan. Gently he pulled me down and rolled us over on the side again. Then he nuzzled my neck as he moved his thumbs in slow circles. Moving a little closer to my nipples for each circle. First time they brushed past I wheezed. The jolts of pleasure shooting through me was breath taking, and I felt him catch his breath. Tenderly his hands now cupped my breasts, and his fingers playing with my nipples caused such pleasure I couldn’t keep a deep moan back. His lips on my neck and the stubbles tugging at my skin, together with his tender massage of my breasts made heat waves rush through me, and my body felt so heavy. 

“Jay…aah.” He moved his thigh higher between mine, and it pressed against my throbbing sex, causing me to tremble a little. And I could feel his hard bulge against the small of my back. It aroused me even more, and I felt the sweat appearing. He rolled one nipple between his fingers and I arched my back instinctively. Slowly he let the other hand slide down my stomach, passed my navel and further down. I was panting hard when he reached the top of my tights, his fingers sliding, just a few millimetres, under the fabric.

“Are you alright?” His voice was hoarse and low right next to my ear, and he then pressed a gentle kiss right underneath it. My mouth was dry as sand, and I could barely get out a word.

“Yehs.” I breathed as his lips brushed over my earlobe.

“Do you want me to continue? I know what you need, and I can give it to you. This is all about you.” He kissed my earlobe, then sucked it in between his lips and let his tongue play with it. I didn’t know that spot could be so sensitive and send waves of heat through me. And his words floated around my brain as I clenched one hand around the sheets and the other in his shirt.

“I…oh…my…god.” He rubbed his thigh against me and the pleasure shot through me like lightning. “I’ll def…ah…definitely give it….ooh…a try.” I closed my eyes and enjoyed the fact that he made me soaking wet with his moves. He drew his breath and I could feel his body tighten when I gave him my consent to continue.

“Just remember that I’ll stop if you tell me to, and you can run away if you want to.” My heart was over flooded with feelings, and his words meant so much. Mostly because I knew he would keep his promise. Everything was up to me. He pressed his thigh slightly upwards again.

“Oh…god. Just…make me glad I came, ok?” Jay’s chuckle sounded like the sweetest music and my brain almost had a shut down when his fingers slid under the tights and under my pants. I gasped for air when he slid his finger between my labia and spread the moist around, letting his finger slide teasingly close clitoris. His deep moan against my neck vibrated through me, and I could feel him grow against my back. He repeated the moves a couple of times before he pushed one finger inside me and I pushed my hips forward on instinct, trying to get closer. When he started to move it in and out I lost my ability to say anything sensible, and when he pushed a second finger in I couldn’t think. I twitched and let out several whines as he set up the pace.

“Oh…Jay….please!” His thumb found my clitoris and started to rub it, slowly first. I felt my inner muscles squeeze around his fingers, and I was so hot, it felt like I was burning up. His fingers moved faster and my body started to tremble under his thumb. For each stroke and push I felt warmer and my eyelids were so heavy I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

“Jay…Jay….oh, Jay…yes, please!” I moaned his name and suddenly it felt like I was dragged into a firework of feelings. The pleasure was almost painful and I saw stars as my whole body was shaking and I couldn’t think anymore, just feel. Slowly the contractions faded and my body relaxed, and I had never been so satisfied. Jay turned me to face him, kissed me passionately before wrapping me in his arms.

“That was…mind blowing. I want to do that again.” His chuckle got muffled against my forehead and I slid my arms around him and slid my leg between his, feeling his still hard, throbbing bulge against my abdomen. 

“Not today, my love. But this was only the beginning. Now, get some sleep.” I snuggled close, well aware that it had been quite a sacrifice for him to do this for me, ‘cause I could feel very clearly how hard he was. And I knew at that very moment it wasn’t just a crush and attraction I had for him. I was falling really, really hard for him, and I didn’t mind. That was my last thought as my body got overwhelmed by a drowsy, satisfied feeling that dragged me into sleep. Jay kissed my forehead before trying to get some sleep too. It was going to be a long night for him.


	11. Part 11

It was the second time in my life waking up and feeling completely safe and rested. Jay truly managed to keep the nightmares and memories away during sleep, and even if I’d only met him a few days ago, I trusted him 100%. I just did, and it felt wonderful. It took some time before I noticed that I was almost on top of him, my leg over his, my head on his chest and my arm around his waist. One arm around me and a hand on my hip, the other hand was tenderly caressing my arm. His heart was beating steadily beneath my ear, and there was something about that moment that felt completely right. I wanted to wake up like that every day. He turned his head a little and I felt the stubbles scratch on my forehead before he pressed a gentle kiss there, making me smile.

“Good morning, sweetheart. Slept well?” I inched closer and nuzzled my nose on his neck, making him chuckle, and I felt the vibration of his laugh under my head.

“Yes, thanks to you.” I mumbled before I pressed my lips against the warm skin covering his throat. The stubbles poked my sensible skin, but I didn’t mind as I moved my lips slowly back and forth. Jay’s arm tightened around me, and his body tensed a little. I could feel that he swallowed under my kiss, and that was surprisingly arousing.

“However much I love that, and want to continue this, I have plans for us today, unless you have anything else planned of course.” I leant my head back to meet his eyes, and as always I got fascinated of the beautiful blue colour.

“I don’t have anything in particular that I know of; of course I’ll have to check with Tish if she has anything scheduled.” Jay raised his arms and stretched.

“She doesn’t.” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“And how do you know?” He grinned at me.

“She’ll spend the day with the lads. They’ll check some of her lyrics. She mentioned she was writing yesterday, and she quoted some for us. Sounds like she’s really good, so we offered to look at them, and maybe present them for some of our team.” Happiness for Tish filled me.

“Seriously?! I think she’s awesome, and this is a really great opportunity for her!” He just nodded, still grinning, and I pressed my lips to his. His arms wrapped around me and he let out a pleased sigh. He broke off the kiss and rubbed his nose against mine.

“Let’s get out and started, I have some plans before we can tumble back in bed.” I blushed and bit my lip.

“You have any plans for the bed part?” He wriggled his eyebrows and gave me a crooked smile.

“Of course! But get out of bed now, or else I’ll have to tickle you out.” I squeaked and wriggled out of his arms and planted my feet on the floor. His laugh followed me, and when I turned I saw him getting out too. I couldn’t help but stare at his bum when he bent down to pick up the water bottle I’d dropped the day before. When he straightened up again, I was still staring, licking my lips.

“If you keep staring like that, I’ll have to put on my chastity belt.” I blinked for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. Trying to imagine him in one was absolutely hilarious. When I had the ability to speak again, I eyed him curiously.

“You actually have one? Since you kind of insinuated it.” He let out an amused little laugh.

“No, but it appears I might need one soon, so stop looking at me like candy now. You’ll soon enough get to enjoy me.” I smiled expectantly.

“Looking forward to that. Now, what have you planned for us?” Walking towards the bathroom he pulled off his shirt and threw it on the bed. His t-shirt followed and I couldn’t look away from his gorgeous, pale backside. I watched his muscles move when he found a clean shift from his suitcase, and when he turned I sucked in my breath. My eyes wandered from his chest and down to his abdomen, and then they followed the trace of hair that disappeared beneath his jeans. I swallowed and my body was boiling hot as I sucked in every detail of his naked upper body. When I met his eyes again, he looked intensely at me and swallowed.

“Didn’t think that through, did I?” I just shook my head in response as he pulled the t-shirt on again. I managed to focus on his face, but my mind was filled with images of him undressing and letting me study him. Because he’d let me. He could’ve just dressed straight away instead of letting my eyes feast on the sight. I concluded with that he’d loved how I was unable to withdraw my stare and just drooled over him. My throat was dry and my voice hoarse.

“So, plans?” He placed a hand on his hip and shoved the other through his hair, swallowed and took a deep breath.

“Throw you down and…eehrm…I was thinking, is there a special place you would love to visit?” His uncompleted sentence still lingered in the air, but I managed to collect my thoughts on the last part.

“I, yes, I really want to visit the Tower Bridge.” He smiled.

“Then that’s what we’re going to do. That actually works well with my other plans too. Now, I’m sure you’d like to change before breakfast.” I looked down on myself. You could easily see I’d slept with my clothes on, and when I looked in the mirror I noticed my hair was looking like a bird nest. That thought made me chuckle. Jay had rubbed his chin in my hair; so technically, it kind of was a bird nest. 

“I’ll just get over to my room and make myself ready. Shall we meet downstairs, or?” He came towards me and pulled me in for a kiss. Just a gentle one, but it didn’t take more to have me lusting for him. 

“No way I’ll let the opportunity to hold around you in the elevator slip away, now go get ready.” He turned me and slapped me on my ass. 

“Jay!” I turned and saw his cheeky grin, and I couldn’t do anything else than giggle. After I’d picked up my cardigan and retrieved my jacket I left for my own room. I took a quick shower and dressed in my black pants and a black cotton sweater with lace neckline and sleeves. I let my hair stay down, but used a couple of pins to get it back from my face. When I checked myself in the mirror, I concluded I looked good, and got my jacket and wallet. A whole day with Jay, just the two of us. This was going to be a great day.


	12. Part 12

Tower Bridge was just as amazing as I had imagined. And even more beautiful close up than from a distance. I couldn’t help my fangirling as I walked over the old construction. I bent my head backwards and stared at the majestic towers.

“This is fabulous! Just imagine this when there were only horses and carriages and Victorian clad people walking here. So fascinating!” I almost ran towards the tower, almost, and I just wanted to hug it. I turned to Jay.

“This is fantastic! Thank you for taking me here.” His smile was stunningly beautiful.

“Trust me, this is entirely my pleasure. You’re adorable when you fangirl.” My cheeks got a little red blush colouring them, but I couldn’t stop my big grin. He had no idea how those words warmed me. Lyle had always seemed a bit annoyed with me when I got worked up like this. Probably one of the reasons I had covered my true reactions while in his company. With Jay, it felt so natural to let him see my actual reaction, and that again made me feel free. It was like I could unfold my wings and try them out for the first time. It was terrifying, but also absolutely wonderful. Jay brought me up in the restaurant and the view over London and the Thames was breath taking. He let me pace from one side to the other so I could see everything, before we left the tower and then the bridge. His next destination was a charming café where we bought something to eat and found a nice little booth in the back.

“I’ll take no chances; Fanmily has some amazing tracking skills.” He sat down on the seat and dragged me down next to him, placing his arm around my shoulders. I felt his fingers playing with my hair and I rested my head on his arm while taking a bite of my sandwich.

“Jay, don’t you have an apartment here in London? With your friends?” His fingers rested on my shoulder and moved gently back and forth.

“I do. Why do you ask?” I turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Why are you living at a hotel when you have a place?”

“It was closer to the arena, and my friends had a sleepover or something. It was originally only for two nights, but I’ve extended my stay a bit.” I nodded and took a new bite of my sandwich.

“Why have you extended your stay?” He leant in and pressed a kiss to my temple; his stubbles tickled me and made me giggle.

“Because it’s where you are.” I felt heat and happiness fill me with his words, and turned again to meet his stunningly blue eyes, His face were just inches from mine and I watched as his eyes darkened. I closed the distance and pressed my lips to his. They were so soft and warm, and his gentle moves sent shivers down my spine. It was over too soon, but I smiled happily at him. 

“That’s the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me.” He frowned at me.

“Seriously? How many relationships have you had?” The happiness faded slightly and I looked at my sandwich for a while.

“None, really. I’m not even sure what to call what happened with Lyle, because we never really got to a point where we dated or were a couple. I guess we can call it a fling that was never meant to be.” Jay had finally started on his own sandwich, but still looked at me with a look that was complicated to interpret.

“So you’ve actually never been in a relationship at all?” I nodded as my reply. He tilted his head.

“Let’s make one thing clear, we’re dating, and I’m planning to date you your whole stay.” I blushed and bit my lip before I gave him a crooked smile.

“So far I’m very satisfied with our dating.” He grinned.

“Good. Now, is it a certain incident that’s the reason you’ve never dated before?” I turned to my sandwich and took a deep breath. 

“I, well, it’s one of the reasons.” His arm pulled me closer and he leant his cheek against my temple. Without a word he’d just told me he would listen and support me, and comfort me. 

“My childhood is not something I look back on with any good memories. My dad disappeared from my life when I was five, and my mum was a gambler. Constantly out losing money. She won sometimes, but always lost it again, usually more than she’d won. So I grew up taking care of myself, with some help from my neighbours. They helped me with homework, and I was often invited to their dinner tables. I’d probably starved to death if they hadn’t taken care of me.” I paused for a second and drank some water. The only other person I’d been this open with was Tish, and I’d kept back a lot of the details. I was doing that now too, some details he’d be better off not knowing.

“Mum had a variety of boyfriends; none of them was kind to me. So I soon learned to stay away when mum had lost in games or they’d been drinking. Though, I didn’t always manage to dodge the slaps when they meant I’d been bad or just in the way.” I swallowed, closed my eyes while trying to wipe away the worst parts. I had to find a way around the next year, ‘cause just the thought about mention a single one of those incidents almost broke me down.

“At 13 I ran away. The only relative I had was my aunt, and though she’d just stood by and not done anything all those years, she delivered me to the local childcare. I got placed within foster care, and the family was never anything but nice to me, but I couldn’t let myself open up. Not to them, not to anyone. I was polite and eventually I grew fond of them in a way, they never did me any harm, but I couldn’t get myself to trust. I tried, but just didn’t manage to make myself that vulnerable.” I sipped some water again. This was going to be difficult, because I had to tell him some of it.

“I was 15 when hell came down over me again. Mum and her new boyfriend kidnapped me, and….he….” My voice fell to a hoarse whisper and Jay wrapped his other arm around me. Grateful I rested my head against his shoulder.

“He raped me…and mum, she…she didn’t care.” Jay’s arms tightened.

“She….didn’t even try to stop him?” His low voice sounded horrified, and I sighed.

“No, she didn’t.” I didn’t tell him the worst part, I just, couldn’t get myself to even form the words. We sat in silence for a while. His warmth comforting me and I slid my arms around his waist. His hand stroke my back, and the other rested on my knee. He pressed his lips gently against my forehead.

“You want to do something fun? Or anything else?” I thought about it for a couple of minutes before the idea hit me and I looked up at him, suddenly eager.

“You know where the Twinings shop is? The original shop?” My expression made him grin and kiss my nose.

“No, but we’ll find it. Next stop Twinings then.”


	13. Part 13

The store was fabulous, and Jay watched me with an amused look as I walked around and touched the walls and everything that looked older than 50 years. The air was filled with different smells from both tea and coffee, and after I'd bought a few varieties of tea and got some pictures, I was ready to leave. Jay put his arm around my waist while we were waiting for an available taxi. I slid my arms around his, nuzzled my nose against his neck and breathed in the wonderful smell of Jay. This was something I really enjoyed, just have someone to embrace and cuddle in to, and the fact that he seemed to enjoy it just as much was one of the best feelings I'd ever experienced. This man certainly made me feel wanted. His next destination was a store, and he made me wait in the taxi while he ran inside to get something. It didn't take long and when he slid back in the taxi he refused to show me what he'd bought. All in time he laughed when I pulled a face at him. The taxi stopped outside our hotel and soon Jay dragged me into the dining room, handed me a plate before he started to fill his own with food. I just shook my head with a smile as I followed his example and filled my plate with dinner.

"What's the hurry?" His blue eyes were fixed on me while he chewed. Then he looked at my lips, swallowed and licked his own. I felt the heat filling me and my heart beat doubled. His eyes held me captive, the fascinating way they darkened as he looked at me. Then his look dropped to my breasts and he slowly licked his lips again. I sucked in air in an attempt to calm down the heat waves and my racing heart, but then his eyes met mine again.

"Are you finished with that?" I looked down at the rest of the food on my plate and nodded.

"Good. What do you say about moving in to my room the rest of your stay?" I loved that idea. That meant I'd wake in his arms every day, and sleep well at night, and judging by his look, many more orgasms as well. Suddenly he wasn't the only one in a hurry. I rose from the chair and walked straight to the lobby. It didn't take long to sort it out, and soon I had my own key to his, no, our room. Jay helped me collecting my stuff and left me to unpack in our room as he went down to turn in the room key. This was absolutely crazy, but I just knew I wouldn't regret it. The way Jay made me feel about myself, I'd never felt so comfortable being myself before, except with Tish. I was just hanging up my jacket when Jay returned, and he wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me passionately. I threw my arms behind his neck and shoved my fingers into his curls. He let his hands slide down my spine and over my buttocks, pushing my abdomen against his hard bulge. I moaned against his lips.

"Jay, I want you so bad, but I'm afraid...that I'll freeze up again." He grinded his hips against me with a rotating move, and caused jolts of desire to shoot through me like bullets. 

"Look at me." I did as he requested. "Don't think about it. If you freeze, I'll melt you. I'll start over and try something else. We'll figure out of this together." Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't stop them from slowly running down my cheeks. It felt like my heart was going to explode with love for this man, and when he gently used his thumb to dry my tears and tenderly kissed away some of them, I knew this was no longer a crush or 'being in love'. I loved him. I stretched up and pressed my lips against his, kissed him like he was oxygen and I couldn't breathe. He didn't mind as he feasted on my mouth, sticking his tongue in and rubbing it against mine. I moaned and tried to get closer to him, my whole body pressed against his. He let out a deep moan when I rotated my hips against his. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up while he still kissed me, and started walking. When I felt the bed against my legs he let me slowly slide down against his body until my feet touched the floor. My heart was racing like crazy and it felt like I was burning. My sex was already throbbing in anticipation. It was like my body remembered what pleasures he could give me and was getting ready on its own, and I found that very arousing. He let go of me and removed my hands from his hair. Then he quickly disposed of his shirt and the t-shirt followed. I sucked in air as his sexy upper body got revealed in front of me. I had no chance to stop my hands from touching him. I stroke them over his stomach and up his chest, felt his muscles flex beneath the warm skin. When I stroke them over his nipples, they were already hard, and I looked into his eyes when I rubbed them between my fingers. He breathed in deep and his eyes fluttered when he let out a deep sigh. Then his eyes fixed at me again and his hands landed on my hips, traced upwards beneath my sweater and up my spine. I swallowed when he reached my bra. 

"Can I remove this, or your sweater?" 

"Sweater." My voice was hoarse as I breathed out the words. His grin told me that was the answer he'd hoped for as he gripped the hem and started to tug my sweater up, slowly revealing my tummy and my bra. I lifted my arms so he could remove it entirely, and then his hands drifted over my hot, naked skin. My spine, shoulders, tummy, ribcage, his hands left no bare skin untouched, and my whole body was boiling hot. My heart raced frantically and my breath was heavy. I slid my hands down his sides and used him to support myself, because my knees were turning weak and trembling. Jay's hands rested on my hips and he pulled me close. I gasped when my nearly naked upper body met his. I wrapped my arms around his waist and enjoyed the sensations the direct contact of our skin sent rushing through me. It was wonderful and when his fingers played with the clasp of my bra I swallowed.

"You... you're allowed to remove it." He studied my face with an intense expression, and when I nodded to show him I meant it, his eyes darkened even more than they were already and his hands slid up on my shoulder to shove down the straps. Then they slid down again and it didn't take him long to unhook it and soon my bra was gone. He held me a bit away from him so his eyes could take in the sight and I felt a sting of doubt in my chest. What if he didn't like the size or the shape or... His hands cupping my breast and the hungry look on his face made an abrupt end to that string of thoughts and all I could focus on was his fingers playing with my nipples and how his hands massaged me. I let out a high moan and I felt my throbbing sex getting wetter for each pinch and caress. 

"You are so beautiful, Cassandra." He moved one hand down my side and rested it on my hip. Then he pushed me down on the bed, pressed one knee between my thighs and moved his hand from my hip next to my head. He pressed a kiss to my cheek, then, slowly kissed his way down my throat, over my collarbone and closer and closer to my nipple. His hand was still playing with the other breast, making me sigh with pleasure. When his lips barely brushed over my nipple I gasped, and when his tongue teasingly flicked over it I instinctively arched my back to get closer to him. His laugh sent hot shivers through me and finally he closed his lips around it and started to suck gently on it. I buried my nails in his back and bucked under his sensational attack of my breast. His tongue flickered repeatedly over the hard sensitive bud and I panted heavily. I couldn't form a single sensible thought any more.

"Jay....please...." He stopped for a second.

"Please what? What is it you want?" His mischievous grin told me he knew exactly what I wanted. Good. ‘Cause I wasn't quite sure myself. 

"Jay...stop...teasing...and just...do it!" God, I loved his laugh. It was the sexiest sound I knew, and when he moved the hand from my breast and let it slide with spread fingers down my belly until he reached my trousers, all I could think was, yes. He unzipped the fly and I raised my hips so he could pull it down my hips, and my pants followed. His mouth left my breast and I felt his curls brushing over my skin as his eyes feasted on my revealed sex. We both watched as he let his hand slide over my thigh and when his fingers spread tenderly over my sex I gasped for air, just to let it all out again with a wheezing sound as he his fingers parted my inner folds and pushed a finger inside me. Then he spread the moist with a few rubbing moves. Barely brushing over clitoris with each move. I twitched and moaned when he pushed his fingers inside me again. 

"You're so wet." He whispered. "Spread your legs for me." I did as he pleaded and then he pushed in a third finger. My body bucked under the pleasing invasion and it felt like boiling lava rushed through my veins, not blood. 

"Oh....my...!" His thumb started to rub my clitoris and it didn't take him long before he had me trembling and twitching in his arms. My nails scratched over his back in an attempt to hold on to something, but he showed me no mercy when he boosted the speed. For a while it felt like all the blood in my body was centred around my sex, then everything exploded with a flick of his finger and the blood rushed through me in waves. 

"Jay!" The pleasure was almost painful and I was caught in uncontrollable twitches before my body slowly relaxed completely, he withdrew his hand and kissed me passionately.

"I think, the sexiest thing I've ever seen, is you when you're lost in the pleasure I give you."


	14. Part 14

Jay wrapped me up in his arms and kissed my forehead while I was slowly recovering. I felt amazing, but there was something that made me feel unsatisfied. The desire was still burning hot, pumping through my veins. I could feel his hard bulge against my abdomen and I rotated my hips slightly, drawing a deep moan out of Jay.

"Christ, I'll lose control if you do that." I frowned and tilted my head back, meeting his eyes. They were dark with desire.

"Did you intend to stop now?" He swallowed and nodded. I couldn't let him do that again, besides I wanted to please him and hear him shout my name. And for the first time in my life, the thought of getting penetrated didn't disgust or scare me. I wanted to try at least. I placed my hand on his cheek and stroke my thumb over his lips.

"I don't want to stop now." He caught his breath and tightened his arms around me.

"You mean, you want to try..." I interrupted him by sliding my hand over his hardness and whispered into his ear.

"I'd like you to wipe away all the bad by showing me how a real man uses his tool in a woman." Jay groaned and pressed his lips on mine, invaded my mouth and pressed his hips against mine.

"I'll happily show you exactly what my tool can do with you." After another passionate kiss he sat up and quickly disposed of his trousers and socks. My eyes followed every move he made. I got more and more aroused for each inch of skin he revealed, and my eyes got locked on his tight boxer.

"Cas, come here." I forced my eyes to focus on his and the beautiful smile on his face made me swallow.

"I'm not going to rush anything, we'll take it slow and only what you feel comfortable with." He placed his hands on my hips and made me straddle his lap, then with his hands on my ass he pressed me towards him so I felt his warm, hard penis against my vulva. I placed my hands on his shoulders and rotated my hips. Jay's muscles flexed and I could feel that he grew bigger. I bit my lip and looked at him.

"You're doing it right, love." Encouraged I did it again, though I moved slower. He closed his eyes and swallowed.

"You tease." I chuckled and kissed the corner of his mouth. I could feel his smile against my cheek. He moved his hands up to my hips and leant back until his head rested on the pillow. Still with my hands on his shoulders it left me in a position where I could really explore the sexy body that was sprawled underneath me. I let my hands slide over his collarbones and down his chest and when I could feel his hard nipples beneath my palms I grinned and moved my hair to one side before I bent down until his nipple were just inches from my mouth. Slowly I let my warm breath stroke over him and I could feel how he tensed under me when I stuck my tongue out and barely let it barely touch the hard bud. He drew in a deep breath and I felt it all the way down between my legs. Slowly I let the tip of my tongue circle around his nipple before I closed my lips around it. I felt the moan vibrate through his body and it felt me with a feeling of power. Being able to please him and provoke these reactions was extremely arousing. I sucked on his nipple and flicked my tongue over it, the same way he had to me, and by the small trembles and his fingers tangled in my hair I concluded he enjoyed it as much as I had. 

"Cas, you're driving me crazy." I stiffened a bit as that sentence poked in my memories.

"I don't... Can you please not call me Cas in bed?" I lifted my head and found his concerned eyes fixed at me. 

"Of course. What would you prefer? Cassandra? Or...Cassy?" I liked that. No one had ever called me that, so there were nothing attached to it, and it was also Jay's suggestion which made me like it even more. I smiled widely.

"I like Cassy, it has a nice ring to it." He pulled me up so he could press his warm soft lips to mine in a tender kiss that made my heart skip a beat. Or two. I grinded my hips against him and we both moaned into each other’s mouth before breaking the kiss. I placed my hands on his chest and sat up again before letting them slide down his stomach and traced the line of hair that lead me further down. Until I felt my fingers stroke against my thighs. I wondered for a moment if I should touch myself, but I didn't have the courage yet, so I wriggled down his thighs until all of his boxer was visible. My fingers lingered at the top of the fabric. His stomach rising with each heavy breath and when I looked at him I noticed he was leaning on his forearms, watching me with an intense expression. My fingers slid under the fabric and he filled his lungs with air, holding his breath, waiting for my next move. Slowly I started to tug it downwards and moved myself from his thighs. I swallowed, and suddenly I was nervous. It was as if Jay sensed it, 'cause he placed his hands on mine and I met his eyes.

"It's ok, you don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with." I took a deep breath.

"I'm just, a little...nervous, I...want this. Though maybe you should..." I removed my hands and instead watched as he effectively got rid of the boxer. It was in fact the first time I'd seen a grown, erect man. In real life. Voluntarily. He was big, and so beautiful. There was a throbbing growing stronger and stronger deep inside. I was fascinated how my body was already preparing itself. Gently I let a finger run from the root of his shaft and all the way to the tip. It was fascinating how he reacted to my touch. Like it was pleasant, yet, almost painful. I was pretty sure I knew that feeling. Somehow I found the courage to close my hand around him and moved my hand slowly up and down. He grew bigger in my hand and the jolt of desire that shot through me made me wetter than I already were.

"Oh, Christ, Cassy! You're driving me mad." His breathless moan made me grin . Suddenly he sat up and wrapped his hands around my face. His blue eyes serious beneath the desire that burnt there. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I nodded. "Say it." He whispered. I cleared my throat.

"I...want...you...inside me, Jay." The kiss was passionate and somehow desperate, and didn't last long as he picked up his trousers and retrieved something from the back pocket. How it could be so arousing watching him roll a condom on I couldn't answer even if I'd been on the North Pole naked. I was about to lie down when he stopped me with his hands on my hips.

"Straddle me again." I did as he pleaded and felt his shaft push at my bum.

"Why this position?" His smile was so gentle and caring I had to remind myself to breathe.

"Because now you're in control of what's happening, when it's happening and how fast it's happening. I'll guide you, but you're in charge. I'm pretty sure you'd be scared again if you get me over you now." That thought hadn't even hit me, and his logic made perfectly sense. Together with the fact I trusted him and that I was pulling the strings, made a feeling of calm fill me. Jay slid one hand over my thigh and between my wet folds.

"You're so wet and ready, you don't have to be afraid it'll hurt." His voice was hoarse and when I wriggled downwards I saw the muscles on his neck tighten and his grip around my hips tightened. I rose up on my knees and he guided me 'til I could feel the head of his penis against the opening of my vagina. I sucked in my breath and placed my hands on his stomach. For a moment we just looked at each other before I swallowed and slowly started to move. Inch by inch he slid inside, stretching me to fit around him, and the feelings flowing through me was a mess of joy, pleasure and a need for more. I continued to torture us both until I'd take his whole length inside. My breath caught in my chest when he rotated his hips underneath me, then I let out a deep moan.

"Oh...sweet lord. Jay, this feels...so...good." He chuckled and slowly ran his hand up and down my sides.

"I know. And if I just..." With his hands on my hips again he made me move upwards until he almost slid out, then he dragged me down again and I gasped as he filled me again. The feelings that friction caused was absolutely wonderful, and I craved more of it. I repeated it and the deep moan from Jay was music in my ears. The feeling of getting stretched around his warm throbbing shaft was like nothing I could've imagined, and I got braver in my moves. When he started to thrust I almost lost it. 

"Jay... I don't think I can do this position anymore." I stopped for a moment and looked at him. We were both breathing heavy and he stroke a finger over my cheek.

"Then what position would you like? There are 69 to choose from." I giggled.

"I want to try the missionary, let's just see how it works?" I didn't have to ask twice as he rolled us over and he hovered over me. He leant down to kiss me and I wrapped my arms around him.

"Put your legs around my hips." He whispered against my lips. I did and he started to slide in and out, a bit hesitating at first as he watched my face closely, looking for signs of fear or panic. All I could feel was the wonderful sensations of him filling me, pulling out and then fill me again. I arched my back and squeezed my inner muscles around him.

"Christ, Cassy!" I giggled and he nuzzled his nose against my neck before he kissed med there. His thrusts now became determent and faster and we were both covered in a sheer layer of sweat. The heat rolled through me and I threw my head back and small whines escaped my mouth as Jay's thrust got faster and harder. I met his thrusts and my breath came in fast heavy gasps. So warm, I was so warm and the hand that slid down between my legs left a burning path. Jay's teeth nibbled on my neck and he varied between sucking and kissing my skin. His finger found my hyper sensitive clit and he started to rub it. It didn't take long before the combination of all these actions had me trembling and shivering, the pleasure almost too much to take. 

"Jay.....please.....ah.." I felt him smile against my neck and he granted my wish and suddenly I twitched helplessly in his arms as waves of pleasure rolled over me and my muscles squeezed around him rhythmically as my whole body exploded into millions of pieces. With a few more thrusts I felt him stiffen and tremble as his world exploded too.

"Cassy!" His high moan rippled over me like water and I smiled as I kissed his shoulder, then his mouth. For a while we couldn't move a muscle, but soon Jay disappeared to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and. He then got back to bed and pulled me close. I slid my arm around his waist and rested my head against his shoulder. He kissed my forehead and his fingers stroke gently over my back.

"Thank you so much, Jay." I pressed a kiss to his chest. He pulled the covers over us.

"For what, exactly?" 

"For shoving me how intercourse are supposed to be, and for being so understanding and patient," I bent my head backwards and looked into those beautiful eyes.

"It's nothing to thank..."I placed my finger over his lips.

"Yes it is. And thank you for making it into such a pleasant experience." He chuckled and kissed my nose.

"That, my love, was entirely my pleasure." I giggled but got interrupted by a huge yawn. The feeling of complete satisfaction got a hold on me and Jay pulled the covers higher.

"Cassy is sleepy, I've worn her out it seems." My eyelids were so heavy I couldn't keep them up anymore. But I still managed a smile.

"Just wait, you'll get for that comment tomorrow." His gentle laugh was the last thing I could remember before sleep claimed me.


	15. Part 15

Warm, wet kisses down my spine pulled me out of sleep and I sighed happily when he scratched his teeth over the sensible skin at the small of my back. An absolutely satisfying way to wake up.

"Mmm." It got muffled by the pillow and I felt his grin against my skin.

"Good morning, beautiful." He rolled me over on my back and pressed a kiss on my stomach before his lips found mine and moved tenderly against them. My hands stroke up his arms and over the shoulders before I tangled them in his soft curls.

"Good morning, handsome." My voice was husky after both sleep and the kiss. I looked into his very blue eyes and my throat tightened of all the feelings that suddenly overwhelmed me. In just a few days he'd become the most important person in my life, next to Tish. I'd never felt anything like this before, and the fact I had to leave in a couple of days was like a big dark cloud coming closer and closer. You could see it coming, but there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop it. Just prepare yourself for whatever the cloud would let down over you. A concerned expression painted his face as he saw my mood change.

"What's wrong?" I blinked and tried to swallow the big lump in my throat, then took a deep breath.

"Nothing, I just..." He scowled at me and frowned, obviously not believing a word of it. I sighed.

"It just dawned on me how strong I feel about you, and how painful it'll be for me to leave on Sunday. I... I just don't want this to end." I had my eyes fixed on his chin, studying the stubbles while my fingers were nervously playing with his curls.

"Look at me." My eyes focused at his. There was something in the way he looked at me, like he didn't want to let me go.

"I can't say I look forward to that, but I have absolutely no intentions whatsoever about letting this end." He pressed a finger over my lips when I was about to say something.

"Yes, we live in different countries, and we lead different lives. And no, it's most likely not going to be easy, but I'm not going to just let this, us, slip through my fingers." His hand cupped my cheek.  
"Not when I'm feeling the way I do. I think I'm falling in love, or maybe I've already fallen." With those words he kissed me till we were both gasping for air. My chest felt too tight for all the feelings and I closed my eyes.

"I... How are we... going to do this then?" He rolled over to his back and pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my arm around his waist, threw my leg over his and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Video calls, mail, phone calls...and we'll visit when we get the chance. Holidays together." That sounded like a good start at least.

"I'll miss your smell and feeling your heartbeat under my ear like now." His fingers moved in small circles on my hip and he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"So will I, and I'll miss those adorable sounds you make during sex." I blushed and smacked him over the chest with the palm of my hand. His laugh vibrated through his body and I giggled. This was probably what would be most painful. Not being able to touch and feel him. I took a deep breath, tried to put away the depressing thoughts.

"So what are you going to do today?"

"I should be in studio and work, so I wondered if you'd like to come along. Tish too of course." That would be so much fun! Watch how they worked in studio had been a wish for a long time.

"But won't we be in your way or distract you?" He chuckled.

"If you're in the room or not won't matter, because I'll be distracted by you any way. At least I can look at you if you're there, and touch you, and kiss you, and..." I raised an eyebrow and looked at him.

"You can't sing or write or whatever you're supposed to do if you're touching and kissing me. And don't forget I'm also waiting for this album." Quickly I dodged his arms and rolled over the bed till I could set my feet on the floor.

"So get your bum out of bed, you have work to do." I looked at him and first then realised I was completely naked. His eyes were swallowing every single detail of my very naked front, and for a moment I felt very shy, but it soon got replaced by hot desire caused by the look on his face. He definitely liked what he saw. I looked around for something to wrap around me and was about to grab his shirt when his fingers closed around my wrist. I looked at him, and his expression was serious.

"I've already seen them, so there's no point in covering them up now." I stiffened a bit and tried to pull away from him. Suddenly I felt very cold. I had not planned for him to see them at all. No one was supposed to see them. I hadn't even let Tish know about them. He didn't let go of me when I tried to yank my hand loose. Instead he wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled his nose against my shoulder. Gently he brushed his fingers over my back, and over the scars. For a while we just stood there, and he just held me until my body relaxed again and I put my arms around his waist. 

"I have loads of questions, but I'll leave them for later. Now, let's get dressed and fed so we can get to work." I smiled against his shoulder. 

"So you can get to work and I'll watch, you mean." I felt his smile against my neck before he pressed a kiss there. 

"Just get in to the damn bathroom before we're stuck here the rest of the day." I giggled and backed into the bathroom. I just didn't feel comfortable with anyone seeing that part of my past. Though, he would most likely not let me off the hook on this one. Not after seeing those scars.


	16. Part 16

At the studio Tish and I enjoyed watching them work on melodies and lyrics, but the most entertaining was all the silly things they did in between the working. Jay had handed me a camera and left me in charge of pictures and filming.

"Just remember, if you don't record, you are responsible for the disappointed Fanmily when there's no flip on Wednesday. No spoilers allowed." So I made sure to have the camera running whenever they had a break and took pictures when they recorded. I got some nice footage for the flip when they had a little dance session and chased Jay around the studio to tickle him. After lunch Jay took over the camera and pointed it at himself.

"Hello fanmily! Today we have the wonderful Cassandra to record all the silly things we do, and for those who wonder who she is.." Here he turned it towards me, even though I begged him not to.

"Smile, Cassy! And say hello to fanmily!" I blushed and smiled shyly into the camera.

"Hello, and say goodbye to Jay, 'cause I'll kill him in about five minutes." Jay just grinned and moved the camera to Tish.  
And this is Patricia, best friend and song writer." Tish grinned widely.

"I hope to be one day."

"You already are, you write songs." He turned the camera to face him and made an over dramatic wink before turning the camera back to us.

"I met Cassy and Tish at the hotel the other day after our concert, they're both fanmily members, and I just found them so interesting I had to get to know them better." Tish stuck out her tongue and I giggled.

"You make us sound like a rather fascinating sort of creature. What is it? Two heads? An extra leg?" I could see on Jay's grin that his answer to Tish would bring the whole thing to another level.

"A third boob." The laughter echoed in the whole room as Tish threw a pillow from the couch at him.

"You know, it would be practical, one for each hand and one for the mouth." I got Tish's next pillow just missing my head. Nathan got in front of the camera and bent really close to the lens.

"You see what I have to keep up with?" Then he snatched the camera from Jay and I found it safe to take my revenge for putting me on camera. Jay was busy making silly faces to Nath so he didn't see me before it was too late and I'd emptied a glass of water over his head. A surprised gasp caused by the cold water dripping down his face and neck was all I needed to feel satisfied. Everyone laughed hysterically and Nath had trouble standing straight.

"You little..." I decided to make a run for it and threw the glass to Tish who caught it rather ungracefully due to laughing. I laughed pretty bad myself as I run behind the couch, making sure it was between me and Jay, who looked pretty determined on revenge. When he decided to take the shortcut over the couch I ran as fast as I could towards the door, only to discover I was in fact really soar in my whole body, and my usual fastest was reduced to a pathetic jog. Jay's arms wrapped around my waist and he lifted me easily and carried me over to the couch.

"Set me down, Jay!" I tried to wriggle out of his grip but he just chuckled, a rather evil one, and then I felt the cold, wet curls on my cheek.

"You asked for whatever revenge I'll come up with the moment you tilted that glass." He dropped me on the couch and quickly straddled me before I could get away. The mischievous grin promised no good.

"Max, her hands."

"No, no, no!"

"Sorry, love." Max smiled before grabbing my wrists. Jay shoved my top up and started to tickle me.

"Ah, Jay! Please, stop!" I was really ticklish and each word came out between breathless laughs.

"You wish." His next move was placing his lips on my stomach and blow hard. Wet, cold curls stroke over my skin and small drops ran into my belly button. The stubbles scratched me, and I laughed so I could barely breathe.

"Please! I beg you, mercy!" He raised his head, and I could see he wanted to kiss me, but we were both aware that Nathan was still recording, so all he did was smiling. And that smile held a lot of promises for later. I swallowed and licked my suddenly dry lips. Jay got off me and helped me up. After straightening my top I looked up and straight into the camera lens. I frowned and set up a scowling displeased look before it got replaced by a surprised one when Jay's arms wrapped around me from behind. He rested his chin on my shoulder and rubbed his bearded cheek against mine. He'd dried off most of the water.

"I rather fancy her. She's cool, fit and fancy me." I blushed and looked away from the lens.

"Jay!" I hissed. He just pulled me closer. Nathan tilted his head, and his expression wad hard to read.

"Aaw, aren't they just adorable." Then he went away to record whatever it was Tom and Max were doing. Looked like a Tomax moment. Jay rubbed his cheek against mine and I closed my eyes.

"You're going to cut that out, or?" His grip tightened.

"Not necessarily. I think fanmily at least should know I'm interested in someone, and it’s better we start the rumours ourselves than let the media go wild with the wrong assumptions. Don't you think?" He had a point. Though I was a bit uncertain what to call this we had going on. To me it was certainly more than a fling.

"What are you going to tell fanmily exactly?" He nuzzled my neck and I could see Tish grin at us.

"I'd like to tell them I have a lovely girlfriend that I'm crazy about." His word made me blush and I felt my body turn hot in a combination of happiness and desire. I couldn't stop my foolish grin either as I turned in his arms.

"I am perfectly fine with that." Before I could stop him he pressed his lips to mine and pulled me closer. It took me ten seconds to forget the others in the room, and then I wrapped my arms behind his neck and kissed him back. Whistling and laughter in the background disturbed our embrace and we broke off the kiss. Jay just grinned, and even though I found it a little embarrassing, I couldn't help but grin myself.

"So the Bird is caged?" Jay laughed before raising his eyebrows at Tom.

"Caged is probably not the right word for this particular situation. I'd rather say I've found a nest partner." I slapped his arm and giggled.

"You're definitely not going to use that description." Jay grinned and kissed my forehead.

"Anyway, he's not on the market anymore." I moaned.

"You make it sound like I bought him in a random store, or something. I think it's safest to say we're a couple. Everything coming from you guys just sounds wrong." They laughed.

"True that." Jay rubbed his cheek against my temple so I had to shut my eye.

"Don't you have work to do?" His lips brushed over my ear.

"I do, but I'll rather do you than that." Heat rushed through me and I buried my face in his neck.

"Don't do that! Not when you can't do something about it." I felt his low laughter against my neck.

"Oh I can, but probably too soon for you, sweetheart." I swallowed when different images of how Jay would take me against a wall or on a table before I slapped his arm again.

"Just...hurry up and get finished!" He laughed and let go of me after a lingering kiss, then went over to the other lads to continue working.


	17. Part 17

In the taxi on our way to the hotel, Jay was really busy on his phone, and he refused to tell me what he was doing. So I picked up my own to check if someone had tried to reach me, and noticed that all members of The Wanted had been active on twitter. I hadn’t been in there since I met them, which were very unlike me. I went through them all, and as I was about to put my phone away a new notification popped up. It was Jay, and I threw a quick glance at him before reading the tweet.

I’m in a relationship

That meant everyone knew. I was definitely not going to reveal my twitter name to him anytime soon. He’d probably put it all over the internet. Curiously I checked my timeline to see the reactions. Most demanded pictures, some wanted to know if I had twitter and there were some who didn’t believe, or didn’t want to believe him. His fingers playing with my hair made me look at him. Those blue eyes watched me tenderly, though I could spot a fragment of uncertainty.

“It’s out there, and please don’t run away if we should bump into any kind of media.” I swallowed. That hadn’t even crossed my mind. If I was going to stay in this relationship, I had to get used to some kind of media interest. Hopefully they wouldn’t find me interesting at all, so they’d find other things to focus on.

“Please?” His gentle plead were hard to resist, so I breathed in and nodded. He pressed his lips tenderly against my temple and slid his arm behind my neck. We sat in a comfortable silence the rest of the drive, and hurried out of the taxi once it stopped outside the hotel. Since we’d had dinner with the lads we didn’t stop at the dining room, but went straight up, sharing the elevator with another couple. We were almost running out when the doors opened, and when we reached our room Jay quickly unlocked the door and dragged me inside. I’d been giggling the whole time, but that faded the instant Jay pushed me up against the wall and used his body to pin me in place. I caught my breath and tilted my head back so I could see his eyes. They were hardly visible in the dark, but I could sense his intense stare.

“Remember, I will stop if you tell me to. I will do what I can for you to enjoy this, but you have to trust me, and that I can learn you how to enjoy all the possibilities.” I blinked back a few tears that tried to break free while I nodded.

“I trust you, Jay. I really do.” A gorgeous smile lighted up his face and then he kissed me. A passionate kiss, that wiped away everything else but the sensation and the boiling rush of desire shooting through me. Quickly he started to remove my clothes till I was left in my underwear, and then he started to kiss his way down my neck, over my collarbone and along the top of my bra. His fingers slid down from my shoulders and opened the clasp easily before removing the garment. Then his mouth continued its travel down between my breasts and over my belly. His fingers slid tenderly down my spine as his tongue circled my belly button before sliding in. He kneeled down as my hands took a good hold of his silky curls and I arched my back under his sensual exploring of my body. I sighed when his tongue pushed in and out and the heat spreading through me made my body heavy and throbbing in anticipation for what other pleasures he could give me. His wet, warm tongue left my belly button and travelled down to my pants, leaving a wet path that quickly turned cold on my boiling skin. I swallowed when his teeth locked around the waistband of the pants and slowly started to tug them downwards. His fingers helped behind my back, and I was extremely aware of how close his face was. The stubbles tugged gently at my curls as the garment slid further down. The breath caught in my throat when his warm breath caressed my sensitive skin and made the curls slightly move. I looked down and the sight caused a burning, hot need hit me like a kick in my abdomen. Jay’s mischievous look had me take a deep breath before he slowly continued down my thighs, then let go of the pants which fell to the ground. He lifted first my left leg, caressing and pressing damp kisses over my foot before putting it down and repeated the same with my right leg. He threw away my pants and slowly kissed his way back up my legs, though avoiding the place that longed for his touch the most.

“Please, touch me, Jay.” His grin against my thigh caused the stubbles to tickle me.

“Where, Cassy?” I groaned in frustration.

“You know where.” He rubbed his cheek over my thigh before licking his way up to my hip. Then he pressed a long wet kiss on my hip bone.

“Here?”

“No, you know exactly where I mean!” His chuckle got muffled by my skin.

“Do I?” Then he started to suck and tug at my skin with his teeth. It took me some time to understand that he was making a major love bite on my hip. I tried to push him away, but his hands cupped my ass and pressed me closer to his mouth. No one would notice it there, so I let him finish it. It was somewhat hot when I thought about it, having his mark on me. I caught myself in wanting a more visible one, though I’d never dare asking him about that. He finished his masterpiece with a gentle kiss.

“Now, where exactly did you want my touch?” I swallowed. He obviously didn’t plan to let me get away with any vague hint. He wanted me to ask for it, and that turned me on, much to my surprise.

“I…I want your… fingers… inside me.” The words came out as a whisper. It was the best I could manage, and he was obviously satisfied with it, ‘cause his fingers parted my folds and massaged the length of my vulva. Spread the moist before pushing his fingers inside my soaked channel and drawing a deep moan over my lips.

“Was this what you wanted?” His voice was hoarse.

“God, yes!” A hard thrust of his fingers made me gasp.

“I’m not God, please remember that.” A strangled chuckle managed to push its way up my throat.

“I will, Jay.” His pleased groan made me grin. He kissed his way from the hip bone to my abdomen, the stubbles on his chin tugging at my curls. My eyes were locked on his, the intense look on his face sent warm waves of lust through me. He held his eyes fixed on mine as he slowly kissed his way down. The breath caught in my throat and it felt like my heart stumbled in my chest. He withdrew his fingers from my channel and parted my folds wide. With his free hand he lifted my left leg and draped it over his shoulder. Fumbling I drew a breath, slightly trembling from his hand caressing my thigh and his warm breath stroking over my wanting sex. It was the sexiest thing I’d seen, and I could feel how the fluids were soaking my channel even more. The change of his expression right before his tongue lapped the whole length of my vulva sent shivers down my spine.

“Aaahmmmm.” My eyes shut close and my head fell back against the wall as his tongue did the most amazing things with my body. Each lick pulled me closer to the edge, and then his tongue pushed inside, circling my entrance before he imitated the thrusting moves his shaft longed to do later. Then his mouth searched for my clit, and when his lips closed around it I moaned loudly and my body twitched. His fingers slid inside me again and his thrusts combined with the merciless treatment of my sensitive bud made me clench my fists in his soft curls. My body had its own will and my hands pushed his head closer. I could feel his grin on my sex, and his grip on my thigh tightened.

“Jay….please!” I could barely speak from the chaos of sensations that rioted my body, and then his teeth tugged gently at my clit before his mouth started sucking it, hard. I lost track of reality and all I could think about was how it felt when his tongue tickled my clit, how his fingers penetrating my channel and how his moans vibrated through me. My breath came in short, heavy gasps and I had no longer control of my body as it twitched and bucked on its own agenda, responding to Jay’s demanding treatment. His stubbles scratched my thighs and my sensitive folds, but the tiny stings only added to the mix of pleasure turned me even more, if that was possible.

“Jay!…oh…please!” I was so close, so very close, but he kept me just on the edge.

“I don’t… think I can… take any… more of this!” I barely managed to gasp the words out. His fingers moved faster, and he sucked harder on my clit, his tongue flickered rhythmically over it too. I just managed to swallow before everything happened at once. The pleasure was so intense it was nearly painful and my whole body felt like melting lava. I was shaking and the only thing holding me up, were the wall and Jay.

“Jay!” A moment everything went black and I saw stars sparkling behind my eyelids, and then I slowly started to glide down the wall as my body felt boneless and I had no strength left. Suddenly I was wrapped in Jay’s arms and he carried me to the bed where he put me gently down on the sheets. I managed a satisfied grin and closed my eyes. Then he kissed me passionately and ran his fingers over my breasts, making my nipples hard. I could taste myself on his lips and his tongue as it invaded my mouth, and I found it strangely hot.

“Oh no, Cassy, I’m not done with you yet.”


	18. Part 18

His hoarse voice amazingly sent a shiver through my limp body and his hands tender exploring had the tension slowly building again. He drew back and got to his feet next to the bed, and I watched him as he started to undress himself. When he noticed I was staring, his eyes fixed on mine as he let one garment after the other fall to the floor. Jay undressing was one of the hottest things I'd ever seen, next to Jay cumming inside me. That was hotter. My body were cheering when he inched his boxers down and I felt my vagina pulsate and long for the pleasures to come. He climbed into bed again and stretched out next to me on his side, facing me, before slowly sliding his leg over mine. He bent over me, placing his hand on the pillow next to my head and besieged my mouth with raw passion. I felt his knee parting my legs and his hand tracing over my body like a feather. My arms slid behind his shoulder and I slowly ran them down his back, enjoyed the feeling of how his muscles flexed and moved under my palms. I hesitated a moment when I reached his bum, but the muffled groan from his throat encouraged me. Hell, he'd just licked my clitoris and I was hesitating to feel that sexy ass? Determined I cupped his butt cheeks and he groaned again. First when his hips were resting between my thighs, I realised that he was actually on top of me, locking my body under him, and I hadn't panicked or felt uncomfortable once. The joy filling me with that realisation made me break free of the kiss and laugh happily. And then hug him hard.

"What made you so happy?" His gentle whisper caressed my ear. 

"This made me panic the first time, remember? All I feel right now is a desperate need for more of you." He kissed me right under my ear then kissed his way down my neck, stopping over my vein. Then he started to alternately kiss, suck and bite at the sensitive skin, mumbling something sounding like 'mine' in between kisses. I swallowed.

"What did you say?" He grinned as he rubbed his stubbled cheek over my soar skin.

"Mine. I can't help it. You're mine, and I just want to let everybody know that." I loved that he saw me as his, 'cause I really felt like I was. And I saw him as mine. 

"Can I then tell everyone you're mine?" He raised his head till our eyes met. 

"Shout it from the rooftop, paint it on the wall, whatever pleases you, ‘cause I'm yours." There was something different in our kiss now. Something vital had changed in how we looked at our relationship, and the kiss was more fierce and demanding then our previous ones. His hand slid over my hip and between my thighs, his fingers spreading the moist from my channel before he withdrew and sat back on his knees between my legs. For a while he just eyed my vulnerable naked body with a burning fire in his eyes. Then he picked a condom from the nightstand and ripped the foil package open. He was about to roll it on, but stopped when I placed my hands over his. I took a deep breath, sat up and took over the condom, then slowly rolled it down his thick throbbing shaft. For each inch I felt the fluids flooding my channel, preparing for the awaited intrusion. Lusting for it. When it was on he pushed me down and made me spread my legs wider. I felt his penis at my entrance and raised my hips from the mattress, making the penetrating easier. He pushed in, just a few inches, and I gasped when he pulled out again, just to moan loudly when he pushed hard all the way inside me. I felt my walls stretch to fit around him, then squeeze hard. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper, and as he kept our eyes locked on each other, he entwined his fingers in mine, raising my hands over my head. He was cautiously watching my face the whole time, looking for signs that I felt uncomfortable. But I didn't. Quite the opposite, it turned me even more. Then he started to move, and I whined as his length teased all the hypersensitive nerves whenever he moved. He quickly fell into a rhythm, and I met his thrusts with my hips, still looking into each other’s eyes. I loved seeing all the emotions and how his eyes darkened when he were closing in on the orgasm. He released my left hand and his fingers quickly found my clit, starting to rub it fiercely, and the climax hit me like lightning. The bud was still hypersensitive after the last orgasm and his merciless rubs sent me tumbling over the edge in uncontrollable spasms.

"Jay!" My hoarse shout echoed in the room, together with our heavy breathing. My free hand slid into his curls, pulling him in for a kiss. Our hot, sweat bodies against each other, his finger working my clit and the sensations of his powerful thrusts kept me climaxing for a long time before he lost control and pumped hard inside a few times, then his whole body stiffened as he climaxed. I was just recovering from my own, and felt how his body trembled at the force of the orgasm. Then he collapsed over me, his weight pushing me down in the mattress. It should've been terrifying, being pinned under him like this, but it felt wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. 

"You'll be the death of me, Cassy, but I'll die happy." He mumbled right next to my ear, and I grinned widely. It took a while before any of us were able to move a muscle, and then Jay rolled off me and disappeared into the bathroom to dump the condom. When he came back he dragged me into his arms, my back against his chest, and kissed my neck. After some time, just cuddling like that, he pushed me gently over on my stomach. I knew where he was heading and tried to come up with an escape from the subject, when his finger traced the scar starting at my shoulder blade and going all the way down at the small of my back. I swallowed. 

"What made this scar?" I was a bit relieved he didn't ask who or when. What, I could manage to tell. I turned my head on the pillow so I faced him.

"A whip." My tone was flat as I worked hard to push the memories on a distance. His eyes jumped from the scar to my face, and I saw a flash of anger crossing his face. That he didn't send me any kind of sympathetic or horrified look eased my tension a bit. Instead it seemed he was angry about what had happened. I shouldn't like it, but I did. 

"It happened when I was...." I managed to stop in time. It hadn't been my intention sharing that piece of information. But if I thought he was going to let it go when I'd started it, I was very wrong. 

"How old were you?" His voice was low, and all I could spot was genuine compassion. He knew this was hard, but somehow, the way he gently traced the scar up and down, and eyed my face with that caring expression, he made me want to share it with him.

"12." It was merely a whisper. His hand stopped for a second and his eyes widened. I could see he realised that my past contained a lot more than being raped by my mother’s boyfriend when she was cheering him on. I could also see that he was set on getting to know everything. But he let it be with that one question this time, and I was very grateful he did. I needed time to mentally prepare for sharing so many bad memories. This road was going to be a hard one, and I could only hope Jay would handle it when the worst things got out. I really hoped he would, because just the thought of losing him was terrifying. I could handle it if it was because feelings, but if my past was going to push him away, it would probably kill me slowly inside out.


	19. Part 19

An annoying buzzing sound nudged at my drowsy mind. I ignored it and buried my face in the pillow. Or, tried to. This pillow was strange. It wasn't soft and fluffy like most pillows. This was warm, and somewhat hard, but yet comfy. I frowned and drew in the smell. It smelled weird, in a good way though. Wait a minute. This pillow was hairy. I got slowly pulled out of the drowsy state as I tried to figure out what the heck my pillow was. I turned slightly towards the end of the bed, only to get pulled back against a long warm body. Then I remembered the last days' happenings, and grinned as I pressed a kiss to Jay's upper arm. I got a pleased sound in response, and then the buzzing started again. It was a phone, I realized. But where or whose it was, that was harder to tell. Jay wrapped his arms around me and held me close, trying to ignore the buzzing. But when it started again, he kissed my neck and sighed as he let go of me and got out of the bed to search for the source. It was in his pocket, and he only threw a quick glance at the screen before he lifted it to his ear.

"Hello." He sat down on the bed, probably to avoid my hungry stare at his naked body. His fingers found my arm and gently he ran them down to my wrist and up to the elbow as he focused on the conversation.

"Ok, I'll be ready in 30 minutes, and can I take Cassy as well?" His blue eyes fixed on me as he said it. Judging by his smile I could, so I jumped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom. He'd said 30 min, so I had to shower quickly so he got time as well. Though, I hadn't needed to worry about it since he came in while I showered. I could hear the toilet and the running water in the sink, and I realised how...normal it felt. It really felt like a relationship, and when I got out of the shower Jay wrapped me in a towel, kissed my forehead and got in. I stared at the tainted glass door for a few seconds before I used the toilet and brushed my teeth. I was drying my hair with the towel when Jay got out, and he embraced me from behind. Pressed his dripping wet body against me and nibbled my ear.

"Jay! Now I have to dry all over."

"I'll help you." He took the towel from me and started to slowly rub my back. It was wonderful, but we sadly didn't have time for it so I nudged the towel from him and quickly rubbed myself dry again. We arrived in the lobby at the same time as Tish.

"Where are we going?" I had just realised that I didn't have a clue about what was happening. Tish shrugged and we followed Jay out to the waiting car, got inside and were soon on our way to...somewhere. I tried to ask in a million ways where we was headed, but all I got was various grins, chuckles and soft kisses on my temple. Jay had just shut me up with a more passionate one on my lips when I heard Tish giggle in the front seat. I sent her a questioning look and she sent me a happy grin.

"You two are just incredible cute together. It makes me happy." I felt my cheeks redden a bit and grinned back. Because I knew what she meant. Jay made me laugh a lot, and though I hadn't really thought about it, I didn't hide much of my personality around him either. He made me relaxed and happy, and that made her happy. No doubt she was my best friend, and I loved her dearly, which reminded me of something.

"Tish, what did they think about those lyrics you showed them the other day?" Her eyes brightened and her smile widened.

"They said they're really good, and some of their co-writers looked at them as well. They want to hear them with melodies, so I'm meeting them again later today." She was practically jumping in her seat of pure excitement and her joy made me so happy for her. I knew her dream was to live of song writing, and maybe do some singing herself, and this was huge!

"That's so exciting!" She grinned.

"I know!" The car slowed down, and we were outside a huge building. It looked really ordinary, until I saw the sign on the wall. Capital FM radio station. I blinked and looked up at Jay, who stood right next to me.

"What are we doing here?" I did have a pretty accurate idea to what we were doing there, but couldn't help asking. Jay took my hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"They wanted a interview with us today, even though it was on short notice." I frowned.

"Why? You haven't released anything, and you're having the last concert of the tour tomorrow. It's pretty silent around you now." Suddenly were Big Kev there, shuffling us inside before Jay could answer. I looked over at Tish, and she raised an eyebrow, giving me the look that said: Really? You haven't figured it out yet? I frowned and the wheels in my head spun, trying to figure out what it could be as we walked up the stairs. Just as we reached the right floor it dawned on me. Could it be because of that tweet he posted yesterday? That he weren't single? It couldn't. It had to be something else. At least something more than that. Jay held on to my hand as we walked down the hall towards the others who were talking with a man and a woman. Both Tish and I got tight hugs from all the boys and they asked how we were doing. Then they presented us for the radio hosts that were going to interview them. They were very polite and it didn't take long before I felt comfortable in their company. After a glance at the clock, the lady gathered all the boys around her.

"What we want to talk about is what you have planned now after the tour is finished, what we can expect in the future. Also how you feel about the tour and your career at the moment." Then she looked at Jay and sent him a little smile.

"And we would like to ask you about yesterday’s tweet." Jay put his arm around my waist and pulled me close, pressing a kiss against my temple.

"I'll tell you what I feel comfortable with, and what Cassy think is ok." She nodded and left us to quickly agree on what he could share. We decided to keep my departure secret, and my last name. I agreed to let him tell a little about me if they asked, and some of what we'd done these days. Then it was time for the boys to get interviewed, and Tish and I got escorted to a room where we could see them in the studio, and hear what they said. We listened interested to everything they revealed about future plans, and got very delighted to hear they were working hard on a new album, and a single was right around the corner. They already had some pretty good material for the album, and hinted they had some exciting co-writing sessions planned. I saw Nathan turn his head slightly towards us, and my first thought was that they were thinking about Tish. It would be absolutely amazing if she got to write a song with them, for them. A once in a life time opportunity. I hoped they would manage to arrange that. It wasn't before towards the end of the interview they asked about their love life.

"Jay, you tweeted last night that you're in a relationship."

"Yes I did."

"When did you meet her?"

"I know how this might sound rushed and everything, but I met her Sunday."

"Sunday, and you like her that much already."

"I can't help it, she's just really easy to like." The man threw a look at me and Tish and smiled.

"I understand what you mean, a charming young lady. Now, we've got a lot of questions from your fans about how old she is and how she looks. Can you describe her for your fans?" Jay grinned and sent me a blow kiss.

"I'll share a little bit, but if you want to know more you'll have to see next week’s flip. Her name is Cassandra and she's 22. She has an absolutely adorable personality, and a typical fanmily humour."

"She's hilarious, and makes Jay run around like a happy pup just by winking at him." Max grinned and winked at me, and both me and Tish giggled.

"If you watch the flip, you'll see her awesomeness first hand when she gets back at Jay." Nath smiled as he said it, so he had definitely enjoyed my water attack on Jay.

"She sounds like a terrific girl, and I have to say, when I saw you two coming down the hallway, you looked really sweet together." I blushed at the woman’s words, and Jay smiled.

"Thank you for that. We're doing our best." Soon they wrapped up the interview and played 'I Found You' as the boys came to join us. The hosts came out as well, and there were some posing for pictures and a little more talk before we headed down to the entrance. Though there was no way we would get through the mass of girls standing there. I guessed someone had been listening to the radio today. Tish and I exchanged a look of amusement. If the situation had been different we could've been among those girls. It was in fact rather surreal to be this casually around the lads, and I was even in a relationship with one of them. Fate had its own agenda for sure. Big Kev and some other security guys appeared in front of us, ready to plough a path to the van waiting outside. Since the lads wanted to take some time with the fans, Tish and I decided to wait inside till we had to go. Seeing how they chatted and interacted with the fans always warmed my heart, but seeing it first-hand like this made my eyes watery and my chest tightened with pride.

"It feels like a dream." Tish had turned her head, eyes fixed on me. I nodded.

"It really does." My eyes followed the back of Jay's curly head. Tish threw a look at him and then back at me.

"He's good for you, you know." I turned my head to look at her.

"After you two met, you've slowly gained more confidence, and you're sparkling." Her smile was warm and approving.

"Sparkling?" I didn't quite understand what she meant about that.

"There's a spark in your eyes and your attitude that weren't there before. It suits you really good." She was right about that. I did feel more alive than I could remember ever being before. And I could thank Jay for it. The way he treated me was wonderful, and it actually felt like it helped a bit talking about my past as well. Though it was tough, it felt a bit better afterwards.

"On a scale from 'no orgasm' to 'so damn good you're fainting', where is he?" The heat shot through me followed by different pictures of Jay's head between my thighs, his smile when he made me come and how beautiful his body was. I felt my cheeks burning and Tish grinned widely.

"You thought I didn't know? Girl, suddenly one day after spending the night at his room, you're glowing like a candle. He glowed as well, and looks at you like a hungry wolf most of the time." She bent closer and winked. "We all know." So much for keeping things private. There was absolutely no point in denying it either.

"So far, he's a 'so good I see stars and fireworks'." I hesitated a moment. "Considering my situation, that's pretty fabulous." Tish's face suddenly got serious.

"You've told him about it, haven't you?" I'd told him more actually, so I just nodded. She threw a look at him through the window and then back to me, grinning.

"No matter what he's doing with you, it makes you happy, and then I'm happy." She fell silent for a moment before eyeing me cautiously.

"What are you going to do when we leave?" Just the thought made me depressed.

"We'll do our best and take a shot on a long distance relationship." I drew in my breath as I watched him hug a fan. Then I turned back to Tish, wrapping my arms around myself.

"I don't know because I've never....felt like this before. But I think I... this is ridiculous, how can I even..." Tish placed her hand on my shoulder and when I met her eyes, they were calm and supportive. It gave me courage to continue.

"I know this must sound crazy, I only met him a few days ago, but.... I think, no. I'm very sure that I love him." The last words came out as a whisper, and I swallowed. Saying it out loud made everything so...final in a way. 

"Tish, I'm absolutely terrified." She just wrapped her arms around me and I clung to her.

"I know. It is terrifying putting your heart on a silver plate. It would be weird if you weren't, especially you. But I think he's worth the risk, and the sacrifices that'll follow with a relationship." I smiled at her shoulder. What I'd do without her I had no idea. 

"And it's not crazy at all. Hell, you were already crushing on him before you met him. No wonder you fell fast. He is absolutely wonderful!"

"Thanks, Tish. You're the best." She giggled. 

"Of course I am. It's me after all." A security man interrupted us and waved us over to the door. Soon we were escorted through the mass of fans and into the van, the boys following right behind. I ended between Nath and Siva, and Jay sat right opposite me. I didn't mind getting the opportunity to study him in his natural habitat, but it was rather distracting when he locked my legs between his and kept giving all kinds of small hints of what he wanted to do with me once we were alone. My body was warm and the sexual frustration drove me nearly mad for each breath he took, staring at me like I was a wandering bag of skittles he wanted to taste... or devour. Did I just compare myself with a bag of skittles? A pretty good sign I was doomed. I wondered which colour he would see me as. Tilting my head a little, looking him over and then licking my lips, I decided I had to ask about it. One day. First I needed to revenge his teasing.


	20. Part 20

I got my opportunity faster than I'd thought I would. The van dropped us off at a cosy cafe and we went inside to grab some lunch. I ended opposite Jay again, this time between Max and Nath. We ordered our meals and I slipped off my shoes, carefully watching Jay's face as I searched for his leg with my toes. I brushed over an ankle, or I think it was an ankle at least, and saw no reactions. Then I started to stroke my toes slowly up the leg and down again. He blinked a few times, and I made sure to have a natural expression on my face as I participated in the conversation. Still, I kept an eye at his face to see his reactions. He looked suspiciously at me, so I frowned and sent him a questioning look. After a few seconds he just shrugged. I moved my foot a little and stroke it up the inside of his leg. With his knee I went back down, and he frowned at me again. A waitress came with our food and he got distracted by the chaos that erupted when everyone was getting their plate. I decided to keep going upwards with my foot as I took a bite of my baguette. Gently I rubbed my foot against his knee and up his inner thigh. I saw his eyes widen a second before he choked on the sandwich he'd just taken a huge bite of. Siva slapped his back.

"Everything's alright, mate?" Jay nodded and scowled at me. No point hiding it, so I raised my eyebrows.

"Don't bite over too much at once, there's no hurry." Then I slid my foot higher and my toes brushed over his crotch. His eyes widened again and the tiny hint of hesitation I'd felt disappeared so I pressed my foot against him. Jay swallowed and shifted in his seat, but I didn't remove my foot. I smiled innocently as I rubbed my foot against his hardening penis, and I felt excitement and satisfaction rush through me. This was way too much fun. He took a rather small bite of his sandwich this time, his eyes fixed on my face. When I took a sip of my tea I stretched my foot, pushing against him and I grinned when I saw his grimace and heard he let out a tiny groan.

"Sure you're alright, mate? You look a bit tense." I had to take a huge bite of my baguette and chew hard not to burst into laughter. Tish saw my expression and looked from me to Jay, then back at me and raised her eyebrows. I shifted in my chair and made Jay swallow hard as I curled my toes. It was nice feeling him hard and throbbing underneath my foot. Though his jeans were in my way. I grinned at both him and Tish, and after a few seconds it occurred to her what I was doing. I saw her face crack up in an approving smirk.

"Just fine." Jay's eyes were wide and very focused on me, I could see they'd darkened too, and then after he'd take another bite he let one hand drop down under the table. I didn't realise what he was planning to do before he'd grabbed my foot and held it steady against him. As he'd taken a rather huge bite, he put the sandwich down and let the other hand slide underneath the table and removed my sock. It was my turn to swallow as he started to massage my foot with firm and arousing circles. I tried to withdraw, but he closed his knees and locked my leg between them. Then he smiled at me as he moved his thumbs up the sole of my foot. I'd never imagined getting massaged under my foot could be arousing, but I could feel it building, and shifted in my chair. Again I tried to withdraw, but there were no chance he'd let me slip away that easily. Tish had problems not bursting into a hysterical laugh, and I scowled at her. I sucked in air and hissed when Jay found a really sensible spot, and got all eyes on me.

"What's the matter?" I tried to focus on Max to answer, but didn't dare open my mouth, so I just shook my head. Max frowned.

"You look a bit hot, sure everything’s alright?" Tish giggled, unable to hold it back anymore.

"Everything’s alright with both of them, just a bit frustrated I guess." Jay stroked his thumbs over the sensitive spot again and I let out a low moan. They didn't get it. Tish grinned and shifted in her chair and suddenly Nath threw a look at us and grinned wide, so I guessed Tish had shown him.

"Invisible flirting's going on, I see, or feel." Then it dawned on Max, Siva and Tom as well and they were laughing, whistling and teasing. Jay put my sock back on and let go of my foot, so I made sure to let it glide firmly down his crotch and thigh before putting it back on the floor. Not embarrassing at all, but at least I knew Jay was just as frustrated as me now, and that was my comfort. We finished our meal and returned to the van. The lads had to work, so Tish and I decided to go shopping and sightseeing until her meeting with the writers.  
We ended up with way too many clothes and shoes. Tish's hotel bed was flowing over of all our new stuff, and she kept eyeing her suitcase with worried looks. After a look at the amount of new things she'd bought in addition to what she'd brought with her...I fully understood it.

"New suitcase next?" She threw a sock at me. 

"Don't even say it. I know I'm always ending up like this, and it has nothing to do with the size of my suitcase. " Something went wrong in my mind. Probably it had to do with all the time I'd spent around Jay, because to my ears, it sounded like an innuendo, and I bursted out laughing. First she just stood there looking at me with raised eyebrows, but after some tries I managed to explain, and she burst into laugh as well.

"You're turning in to quite a confident little sexy thing, you know." She grinned widely.

"It suits you really good, sweetie." Suddenly she'd wrapped me up in a massive hug and I hugged her hard. Where I'd been today without her I wouldn't even try to think of. Because I knew that would be nowhere good for sure. I let out a sigh and smiled.

"You know I love you, Tish, right?" She nodded in my hair, and it tickled my ear.

"Of course I know, and I love you too." She untangled our hug and looked me straight in my eyes.

"That's also why I'll always push you forward and support you when something's good for you, and do whatever's in my power to help you when something's not." She was the very best and protective friend one could have. At times over protective, but I loved her for that. She'd seen me at the bottom, and never wanted that to happen again. Neither did I want to ever go back to that. I really tried to forget that it'd happened at all. Though, some things were completely impossible to forget. Tish suddenly scowled at me and I realised I'd let the shadows from the past cover my eyes. I blinked and drew a breath, channelled all the good feelings I'd stored up for the last couple of days, and when I smiled it was a real smile. Tish smiled back and we continued sorting out or shopping’s. When we were finished I had two bags with clothes and two shoe boxes. Tish had the double, and her bags looked ready to explode. Mine were barely full. She eyed her suitcase again with a frown, and I tried to hide my giggle behind my hand.

"I can hear you, no point in hiding it." I managed to don't laugh, and grabbed my bags and shoe boxes.

"Better get this over to my room so there's room for you to sleep here."

"How considerate of you. I'll change for the meeting and meet you downstairs for something to eat, ok?"

"Sounds good. I'm down in ten."


	21. Part 21

The moment Tish took off for her meeting, was the moment I realised I was on my own. All by myself for the first time since I moved into Jay's hotel room. This gave me the opportunity to take a moment to think. So much had happened in a really short time. I was falling hard and fast. And it scared the crap out of me. It was Jay McGuiness for god’s sake! That he even found me attractive was way beyond my understanding. Just the thought of him eventually falling in love with me sent butterflies tumbling through my veins. I knew he cared and had grown quite fond of me, beside the intense sexual attraction. I loved what being around him did to me, I could in fact not remember the last time I'd felt this confident and comfortable with myself. He truly appreciated my nerdy sides, and how he showed me ways to confront and work against the fears I kept locked down, boosted my confidence. I was going to leave on Sunday. And I had to leave him. The pain shot through me suddenly and was overwhelming. It brought me down on my knees and I felt tears filling my eyes. Oh god, how I hated this situation. I bent forward and placed my hands on the carpet in front of me. Slowly, I drew my breath, tried to pull myself together. Then my phone rang and I grabbed it instantly. I held it up to my ear and was about to say something cheerful when Lyle's voice cut through the daze I'd entered. That's when I realised how much I'd needed to hear Jay's voice. The disappointment was sharp as knives, but I managed to keep the tears from running. I weren't going to shed them for Lyle.

"Hello, Cas."

"Hi." That was how much I appreciated this conversation. I didn't even bother to put on a neutral tone in my voice.

"When are you coming home on Sunday? I'll pick you up and we'll spend the evening at my place." His tone was informative, not suggestive. I frowned and got a bit irritated.

"I don't think so, Lyle. I'll be tired and not in a mood to be around others. And I also don't think it's a good idea."

"What are you talking about? We haven't seen each other for over a week! Of course we'll spend the evening together." I closed my eyes, forcing myself to answer calmly.

"No, since we're not a couple or best friends or anything, we are not going to spend the evening together. Or any other evening." I drew in a breath. Why did he make this so difficult? He let out an arrogant snort.

"You're still going on about the crap that we don't fit together? I thought this time I've given you to think that crap through would make you realise you made a mistake." My mouth opened and I couldn't find any words at first. What on earth was wrong with him? How could he not take the neon blinking hint that I'd dumped our little fling or whatever it was? The next thought crossing my mind was that the time "he had given" me was very well spent, to think on anything else than him. And most about Jay. My boyfriend. I grinned. And lover.

"It's not crap, it is simply the truth. And would you like to know what I've used my time on? I've met a guy, who is now my boyfriend by the way, and I've been out in London having the best time in my life. I haven't even thought about you since our last conversation. When I told you it was over." My, that felt so good, getting it off my chest. I felt relieved. There was nothing that could be misunderstood. We were through and I'd moved on. And better, I was happier than I'd ever been. The line was silent for a moment. He hadn't expected that outburst of frustration and honesty. Or the hint of mockery in my voice.

"You got a boyfriend? How?"

"We met, got attracted, dated, talked, and yeah..." He cleared his throat.

"That weren't quite what I meant. How come you got into a relationship so fast?" Aah. He had been flirting and hinting for months, and it was only a couple of weeks ago I had started to respond. And very careful and vaguely.

"He's just right for me." And I had to leave him on Sunday. I felt the tears pushing again and there was no way I could hold it back now.

"I'm done with this conversation. I don't want you to pick me up on Sunday, and I have to go. Bye." I didn't wait for a response, just hang up and dropped the phone to the floor. The low thump made me aware that I was still on my knees on the floor. Still bent forward on my hands. Hearing Lyle's voice just made my departure so much harder. Talking with him again made it a thousand’s time clearer what I had to leave behind. Jay. And I'd become quite good friends with the lads. Kelsey and Nareesha as well. I'd never had so many people I liked being around. That made me feel comfortable and that I could just be myself with. One tear ran down my cheek and dropped on the carpet right next to my thumb. Others followed and soon I was shaking and gasping for air. The sobs ripped through my body and I squeezed my eyes shut. How on earth would I manage to enter the plane without breaking down when just thinking of it had me down on my knees like this? I didn't hear the door open, but I could hear him smack it closed, and I tried desperately to pull myself together. He weren't supposed to see me like this. The moment he pulled me up from the floor and wrapped his arms around me, I stopped trying. His soft voice in my ear.

"What's wrong, Cassy? God, what happened while I was gone?" I slid my arms around him and buried my face against his neck. I sucked in the smell of him, and shivered. He held me tight, whispered sweet things in my ear and kissed my temple. After a while I'd calmed down a bit, and took a deep, shivering breath. Jay loosened his hold on me and looked at me with concerned eyes. I cleared my throat and tried to find words to explain with.

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I... you've become one of the most important persons in my life, and I... have to leave you on Sunday." My voice failed on the last word. Jay was about to open his mouth, but I put my finger over his lips. I had to get this out before I lost the courage.

"I don't have many people in my life I trust. Tish, and you. This is so much more than just friendship, and it scares the hell out of me. It makes me vulnerable again, and I'm well aware of the fact how fragile relationships can be. It can snap so easily, and cut wounds that'll never heal. I know I want this to last, but the fact that I have to leave is tearing me apart. I didn't expect this... heart ripping pain. And that's only by the thought of it." I sucked in some air.

"It may take a while for me to get rid of the fear of leaving and being left behind. I'm used to never seeing them again, so I guess that's why it affects me like this. I don't mean to make it a habit for you to find me sobbing at your feet." Jay's hand cupped my cheek and lifted my head so I had to look him in the eyes.

"You're the best thing that's happened to me as well, and I'm not leaving you. We're parting for the time being, but we'll communicate during that time. I have no intentions of going anywhere without you in my life. And I want you to know, that if things change between us or anything, I'm man enough to tell you so. Face to face. I'd never walk away without a word." For a couple of seconds I just looked at him, then I threw my arms behind his neck and kissed him passionately. Every single feeling I had for him, I put into that kiss. His arms tightened around me, pinned me to his body and he answered my kiss fiercely. Suddenly everything snapped in me and all I could think about was to get him naked, under me in bed. I moved my lips over his jaw, down his neck and lingered over the spot where his pulse raced. He was mine, and I wanted him and everyone else to know that. Without further hesitation I started to bite and suck on the sensitive skin, drawing small groans out of him as he tilted his head to give me better access. When I bit hard and rotated my hips against him, he let out a deep moan that sent a shiver down my spine. I licked gently over the spot I'd been attacking and then kissed it tenderly. 

"I need you, right now. Naked on the bed." I'd whispered it against his shoulder and he drew back and placed a hand on my cheek, lifting my chin so I had to meet his eyes. They were dark and quite intense.

"And so you shall have me."


	22. Part 22

I got his shirt off and ran my hands down his chest, over his nipples, which hardened under my palms, and further down his stomach. I loved how is muscles flexed and the way he drew his breath, a little shivering. I did this to him, and it made me feel powerful. Something I really needed right now after the feeling of being weak and helpless, that I had the power to affect him like this... My fingers got on the task of removing his belt and open his fly as I bent forward to kiss his collarbone. His hands ran up and down my back under my top, and he made small, gentle circles with his fingers. When I was about to pull down his trousers he stopped me.

"You're still way too dressed. I'd like to make some of your garments fly across the room." I chuckled and lifted my arms so he could remove the thin sweater and the top beneath. As soon as it was gone my hands went down to his trousers again and I pulled them down. He stepped out of them and I kicked them away. Then I ran my hands up his legs, over his knees, then his thighs and just before I reached his crotch, changed the course and cupped his butt cheeks. His body had tensed and he let out a displeased sigh.

"You little tease." I just smiled and placed my hands on his chest, pushing him backwards against the bed. Then I slid my fingers behind the elastic on his briefs, lifted my eyes to his and watched him as I started to pull them down. His face was beautiful, and I loved the way his eyes widened a bit before they darkened and he swallowed. I had no idea what had come over me, making me this daring and controlling. But it looked like he enjoyed it so far, and there was something inside me pushing me forward. I needed this. I let go of his briefs and they fell to the floor. I swallowed before I lowered my eyes, traced them over his chest, down his stomach and followed the line of hair that led to his very erect penis. It was very impressive, and I suddenly felt a bit shy. What on earth was I doing? I had no idea how to really play this game. Reading weren't quite the same as the reality. Jay's finger lifted my chin so I looked into his eyes.

"You're driving me crazy, please, continue with whatever you had planned." And then he kissed me. Hot and hungry, and it pushed the hint of shyness right out of me and I wrapped my hand around him. He sucked in breath and leaned his forehead against mine. He was warm, smooth and rock hard. Encouraged I moved my hand down his shaft, and then up again. He breathed hard and buried his fingers in my hips. Oh, I liked this. I tried to tighten my grip a bit and he clenched his teeth together. I moved my hand again and his moan gave me goose bumps.

"You're killing me, Cassy. If you continue now, this will be over before you can say glad you came." I chuckled and moved my hands to his hips.

"Now, we don't want that, do we?" It was kind of hot to think that I could make him cum just with my hands, though. But I wanted him to cum inside me. I placed my hands on his chest again and pushed him backwards on the bed. He didn't let go of my hips and dragged me down on top of him. I felt his hands sliding under the waistband of my skirt, and that he dragged it down. I waved my finger in front of his eyes.

"No, I'm the one who pulls down clothes today. You lie here and watch." He withdrew his hands and let me up before he raised his upper body, resting on his elbows. Those darkened blue eyes watched me intensely as I stepped back and slid my fingers under the waistband. I didn't move my eyes from his face when I pulled down the skirt and let it fall to the floor. Oh, he enjoyed this. Next garment to go were my tights, and I loved watching his reactions when I slowly slid them down my hips and all the way down over my ankles. My socks went off in the same process. Then I was left with my bra and pants. His eyes darted over my body and fixed on my face. He licked his lips and I swallowed, hard. I felt like his favourite dessert when he looked at me like that. I reached down on my back and opened the bra, and soon it was on the floor with the rest of my clothes, and Jay's expression made me remove my hands quickly before I approached the bed.

"Stop." I did and frowned at him. He swallowed.

"In my back pocket. Condom." Thank god there was someone left with a hint of sense, because it hadn't even crossed my mind. I bent down and roamed his pockets. He had one in each back pocket, so I grabbed them both. This could be a long evening. Jay had moved into the bed and made himself comfortable. I crawled over to him and gave him the condoms, which earned me a raised eyebrow followed by a smirk. Then I straddled him and placed my bum on his abdomen, I felt his penis against my back. He was so sexy and beautiful, and the way he looked at me, touched me, made me feel beautiful and sexy. I bent forward and kissed his nose, before I went for his ear. I was thrilled to feel his chest rise in response, and I moved my lips to his jaw. His stubbles against my sensitive skin was at first uncomfortable, but it soon turned to a delicious little pain that sent small rushes of lust through me. I continued to the corner of his mouth, felt his breath against my cheek before I claimed his lips, pushed my tongue into his mouth and explored the way he'd taught me. His hands ran over my body, touched me everywhere he could reach and left me burning and wanting him. My hands explored the parts of his body exposed to me, but when his hand slid between my thighs and wet folds I placed them on his shoulders. I looked into his blue eyes. He ran his fingers back and forth, spreading the moist before pushing two fingers inside me. We both moaned.

"You're so wet and ready for me, and I haven't even done much for you." His hoarse whisper stroke over me like a caress. I drew in a breath.

"You don't have to do much for me. It's just my natural reaction to you." He smirked and moved his fingers, making me sigh and my eyes flutter.

"I like your natural reactions, though I also like your reactions on what I do to you." I rotated my hips and moaned when his fingers brushed over a sensitive spot.

"Ditto." I breathed and reached for the condom next to him. I got up in sitting position and opened the little package with slightly shaking hands. He placed his hands on my hips and watched me. When I held the little rubber ring between my fingers I moved so I could pull it on him. I drew in a breath before slowly started to roll it down his throbbing length. Halfway I looked at him, and swallowed. He eyed me intensely and had a tense expression in his face. I focused and rolled it down to the root, cleared my throat and raised my eyes to his again.

"Correct?" I whispered, and he nodded. Then I straddled him again, this time his hips, and he had one hand on my hip and one around his penis. When the head slid between my folds and just inside my channel, he took my hand with his free and supported me as I slid down his length. Slowly all the way down to the root. I gasped when I moved. It felt so good, and I felt completely filled. This was going to go fast, 'cause I felt the climax already building, and we hadn't even started yet.

"I need you to help me, and I need you hard and fast." My eyes widened when I felt him grow a bit more inside me. And I'd thought he was fully erect. His eyes burned with desire when I looked at him.

"As you wish." He showed me how to move, and soon I found a rhythm that worked perfectly for me. I glided up, almost all the way off, then down. All the way. And everything inside me was boiling and building. He moved with me, pulled out, and thrust inside. The rhythm changed a bit, got harder and faster for each thrust. I had my hands on his shoulders and he held my hips in a firm grip, buried his fingers in my skin. I was going to get bruises, but I wished them welcome. Suddenly I lost all my barriers and moved my hand down his chest and placed it on my stomach. Then I moved it down my abdomen and between my folds. I needed to cum now, and my fingers found my clit easily. Jay was watching my hand as I started to rub myself, sending hot beams of pleasure through my overheated body. We were both covered with sweat.

"That's so damn sexy, Cassy." Then he moved faster and harder and my fingers followed. Soon I was shaking and twitching, trying to embrace the waves of pleasure rolling over me. Jay removed my hand and replaced it with his own and I immediately bucked under for the orgasm that ripped my body apart.

"Jaaay...oh...Jay!" My world exploded and I collapsed over him, the spasms rolling through me and squeezing around him as his last thrusts slammed inside and I felt him tense underneath me before he came.

"Cassy!" His moan was hoarse and deep, and I kissed his collarbone. For a moment we didn't move. We just held around each other till our hearts had calmed down.


	23. Part 23

"That surely was a ride I won't forget in a while." Jay kissed my ear and I giggled as he rolled me over on my back and went to throw away the condom. I watched him as he walked into the bathroom. He was so god damn sexy. And the most caring person I'd ever met. He came back and picked up his phone on the way to the bed. After he'd crawled back in and I'd cuddled up next to him with my head on his chest, he pulled the covers over us and put his phone to his air. The hand he had on my hip moved in slow circles and I closed my eyes, enjoyed the moment of harmony that lingered in the room.

"Hey, Nath, you guys just go without me. My girl needs me tonight, and I don't want to leave her." He was silent when he waited for Nath's reply.

"Thanks, mate. You guys have a great night." He hung up and put his phone on the night stand before he met my frowned expression.

"Did you just ditch a night out with the lads? That's not necessary, you should..." He placed his finger over my lips and hushed at me.

"I'll get plenty of new opportunities. Right now you need me more than them. This night I'm yours." That definitely earned him a grateful kiss, which soon turned into a passionate, hungry one. He tilted me over on my stomach and ran his fingers down my spine, following the lines of the scars spread over my back. Then he kissed each one, tracing his tongue over the lines. I sighed by the sweet sensations and my heart ached. He made it so hard not to fall for him, and made it even harder to keep a distance. I was falling into this with my heart in my hands, offering it on a silver plate, and it was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Other than keep myself from bursting out a love declaration. Everything was too new, went too fast, to handle words that big. Hell, just the thought of saying them and put myself in such a vulnerable position, was terrifying. I was far from ready to take such a step. The fact I was naked with a man, voluntarily, and in this defenceless position was a huge breakthrough. If he decided to do something I wouldn’t do, I stood no chance against him. But I trusted him, and knew he’d never do something like that. He wanted me with him all the way. Currently, his hands were running down my legs and I sighed in appreciation when he kissed the small of my back. His finger followed one particular scar that went from my butt cheek, over my hip and ended on my side. I knew that he was going to ask about it, and tried to find a way to formulate it without details.

“What on earth made this scar?” I knew it weren’t a pretty scar, and it always made me cringe when I saw it in the mirror. 

“A screwdriver.” His hands stopped for a while and then he turned me to face him. He looked both horrified and angry.

“How?” I closed my eyes, didn’t want to remember it, but his thumb stroke over my eyelid and I opened them again. Slowly, I drew my breath and prepared the words.

“I pissed someone off, and that someone had a real temper.” I could tell he weren’t pleased with the vague answer, and I realised that our relationship had crossed a line where I had to give more of myself, even though it was difficult. I hesitated for a moment, but decided to give him more.

“It was a man mum met after she’d just lost a lot in gambling. He wanted a child lover, and my mum sold me to him for the night. One thousand pound for a virgin child. I was 12 years and terrified, but when he were coming for me, I managed to slip under the bed and press myself to the wall, out of reach. He got angry as hell and tried to move the bed, but it was bolted to the floor. When he reached for me I curled to a ball and did my best to avoid those grabbing hands, and I bit him hard in the hand at one point. I’m sure he was bleeding, ‘because I could taste blood afterwards.” I took a deep breath before I continued.

“He tried numerous things to get me out. Slapped me with long objects he found, threatened me and tried to lure me out. I didn’t really understand what he wanted, but I just knew it wasn’t good for me, and that kept me hiding under that bed. Suddenly everything went silent and I heard the door, and I waited for a long time before I started to crawl out. Just when I was about to slip out under the bed, I heard a sound, and immediately started to crawl back to the corner. That’s when he grabbed my ankle and pulled me out. I screamed, kicked and hit as hard a twelve year old girl can, and managed to hook my arms around the bedpost. That’s when he used the screwdriver at me. If you see on my right foot, on the inside of my leg, there’s a tiny scar. That was his first strike, the second hit me in my side, but his grip had loosened and I managed to get loose and crawl back under the bed. But that caused the screwdriver to cut me from my side and down over my butt. I didn’t move from that spot until room service found me the next day and got me to the hospital.” Jay’s face was coloured by anger, and pain. His eyes looked wet. 

“I’m so sorry. No one should experience something like that.” His voice cracked at the end.

“Especially not getting put into it by those who are supposed to protect and take care of you.” I swallowed when I saw a tear rolling down his cheek and sat up next to him. I dried his tear with my thumb and kissed him gently.

“You’re not the one who’s supposed to apologize. There’s nothing to be done with the past, and you had nothing to do with what happened.” I kissed him again, put my arms behind his neck and entwined my fingers in his curls.

“What you can do, is help me forget, put it behind me.” His eyes were serious when he looked at me.

“To be able to put it behind you, you have to talk about it.” I nodded.

“I’ll listen, to every heart breaking incident, if that helps you processing it.” Now it was my eyes that filled with tears, and I nodded again. I instantly knew that with his help I’d actually be able to put it behind me. I’d gone in therapy of course, but I’d only learned to accept it as my horrible past. And that it weren’t supposed to be like that. Just the few things I’d shared with Jay had made dealing with it a lot easier. Also the compassion and anger he showed on my behalf. There were no doubt that if something like it had happened now; he’d probably knock them down. I kissed him again, and his arms wrapped around me, tight.

“Now I just want to lose myself in you, Jay. In everything you make me feel.” He smiled and pushed me down in the mattress.

“Consider it done, sweetheart.” This time it was utterly tender and sweet. Everything was about feeling wanted and treasured. He was everywhere, kissing and worshipping my body. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so safe and wanted as he made me feel. The orgasm was building slowly, and hot, and he didn’t rush anything. He sent me to the edge several times, but just when I thought he’d let me over the cliff, he slowed down and changed course, leaving me frustrated and twitching. I wanted him to give me the climax, but I didn’t want him to stop his tender exploring either. His fingers ran like feathers over my sensitive skin, his tongue licked, tickled and his mouth left marks on the strangest places. I was sure he’d left a love bite on my leg, and one on my arm. He made one on my collarbone and at some point I lost track of it. Though I definitely noticed the one he made on my inner thigh. His mouth also had a round with my breasts, making me buck and twitch under him, before it travelled down my stomach, visited my navel and then took a rest between my thighs. I swallowed when he buried his face between my folds and licked me. The stubbles scratched at my skin, and his mouth showed me no mercy when he sucked my clit and licked me shaking and bucking over the edge and all I could think about was the intense pleasure riveting my body, it was almost painful. Then he was over me, inside me. I was wrapped in his arms and the smell of him and I took each thrust with great enthusiasm, and got thrown of the cliff again. Everything more intensified and this time the pleasure was painful, and I embraced it with a deep moan when he tensed and with the last, hard thrusts came inside me again. Then he collapsed over me and I caressed his back while we were slowly landing on our feet, waiting for our hearts to slow down and breaths to even out. He were quick about getting rid of the condom and get back in bed. Then he pulled me close and I lay my head on his chest. Soon we were both fallen asleep.


End file.
